STE: Hoshi's Birthday Surprise
by ZenosParadox
Summary: RS, Porthos. Surely Malcolm Reed can plan a surprise party for Hoshi Sato? It's as easy as watching Porthos! RoundRobin from the RS forum at LD. CORRECTED Ch 12. COMPLETE R rating based on last chapter.
1. Time 0

Title: Hoshi's Birthday Surprise

Authors: PJinNH, downinnewyork, Chopsticks, Lizard, ZenosParadox, nehal, Pologetix, Stexgirl 2000.

Contact: ZenosParadox (paradox42@charter.net) for ff.net archive and formatting.

Rating: R

Category: Romance, humor

Summary: RS, Porthos.  Surely Malcolm Reed can plan a surprise birthday party for Hoshi Sato?  It should be as simple as taking care of Porthos.  Round robin in the ReedSato forum at Linguistics Database .

Disclaimer: Star Trek and Enterprise are registered trademarks of Paramount Pictures. No infringement is intended. 

Notes: Format by jyorraku, beta by Mara for LD archive.  

Archive: Permission from all is required before archiving elsewhere.

Reviews:  All comments are welcomed.  

HOSHI'S BIRTHDAY SURPRISE

_PJinNH _

Time 0

Seated in the mess hall, ever-present PADD in front of him, Malcolm tuned out the other diners. This had been his custom over the many months on Enterprise--and truth be known, he'd done it even before setting foot on the ship--especially if he was trying to solve a problem. If you could say just one thing positive about Malcolm Reed, it was when put his mind to something, nothing could stop him--not even the clamor of voices or the occasional heated argument which often occurred in the ship's dining area.

And Malcolm was absolutely determined to figure out a way to stabilize and enlarge the force field he had developed a couple of weeks ago when that white tentacle being invaded the ship. He knew if such a force field could be developed on a large scale it would provide crucial protection not only to Enterprise, but also the other Starfleet space vessels. 

So it was with both amazement and surprise that a piece of a conversation, spoken two tables over, filtered through the equations and theories and found its way to Malcolm's ear. At first he even debated whether he had actually heard what he thought he heard correctly, so he stopped. Sipping his tea quietly, he waited, barely breathing, hoping he could confirm the information uttered. 

He'd almost resumed his calculations, when his suspicions were verified, he had heard Hoshi's name spoken. 

Kelly had been given the unofficial task of posting the upcoming month's holidays (including crewmembers' birthdays) on the ship's message board. She--with Liz's help--was currently compiling the list to be posted on the first day of the month, which was coming up at the end of the following week. Thanks to their enthusiastic conversation, Malcolm now knew that Hoshi's birthday was on the fourth. 

Malcolm contemplated what to do with this information. Surely after Hoshi had gone to the trouble of finding out his favorite food, he was obligated to return the gesture. Actually, he didn't just feel obligated, he wanted to do this for her because he liked her and considered her a good friend--not to mention his heart always beat a little bit faster when he was in her presence.

The question was...what could he do? And then almost immediately he knew. He'd throw her a party -- but he wanted to also keep it a secret. The British barricades he erected around his heart were not quite ready for anyone to scale from the outside, not even the ship's communication officer--not after that fiasco with Rochelle back in London. 

So he asked himself another question. How do you throw a party for someone, but not let anyone know who was making the preparations? He paused for a moment and picked up his padd. Punching away, he created another work folder, this one entitled: Operation Pineapple, and he began planning. 

***** 


	2. Operation Pineapple Day 1

~downinnewyork~ 

Operation Pineapple Day 1

"Damn." 

Malcolm clenched his fists and resisted the urge to hit something. He sat down on the bed, hearing it whimper in protest for being treated so badly. 

Wait, he thought. Beds don't whimper. 

"Would you please be quiet?" Malcolm glared at the small beagle perched next to the door. "I'm trying to think here." 

Porthos blinked slowly and tucked his tail between his legs. 

After a few frantic moments of planning Hoshi's party for Operation Pineapple, Malcolm had quickly run out of ideas. He pulled at his hair in frustration. I'm an armory officer, for God's sake, he thought sourly. I don't know how to plan things like this. 

There came a whine from the door again. Malcolm met the uncharacteristically timid stare of the puppy and glared back. Guilty expression intact, Porthos looked away, and the party hat perched on his head slipped to one side. 

Malcolm groaned. When he had been unable to find his copy of 'The Armoury Officer's Guide to Planning Surprise Anonymous Birthday Parties,' fashioning a hat out of a paper cup had seemed like a good enough start for one so new to the party planning business. Poor little Porthos had been the unhappy test subject. 

The comm chirped then. Malcolm called for the person to come in. 

"Here are those new test results you requested," Trip said as he stepped inside. Groaning again, Malcolm tried to step deceptively in front of Porthos before the chief engineer got a peek at the puppy's attire. 

"Oh, uh, thank you, Commander. I'll take a look at them in the morning, but I was about to head to bed--" 

"Say," Trip drawled slowly, interrupting Malcolm's attempts to send him on his way. "You heard anything about this surprise party we're throwing for Hoshi? Crewman Munro says it's quite the secret, since Hoshi's saved our lives so many times, we should be real careful not to tell her--" 

Malcolm swallowed, already regretting his decision to use Enterprise's rumor mill as the first line of defense in keeping his identity as Party Planner Extraordinaire a secret. "No, I haven't heard anything. I didn't even know her birthday was coming up." 

Trip looked about ready to drop the subject, when there came a loud bark from the doorway. The pair turned to see Porthos take off around the corner. 

Heart leaping into his throat, Malcolm immediately thought of the hat and gave chase. He could hear Trip in tow. 

Porthos proved to be a worthy opponent, dodging corners, crewman, and a certain armory officer's clutches with a natural agility. They circled the deck twice before Malcolm felt that he was gaining any distance between them. Then with a last ditch effort, he lunged and caught Porthos by the tail, and the pair slid to a stop in front of the turbolift. He could hear Trip puffing behind him as he slowed as well. 

There came a long shadow over them. Malcolm looked up in dread. 

"If I'd known you were going to play dress-up with my dog, Lieutenant, I might have reconsidered your offer to dogsit." Archer loomed beside them, having just stepped out of the lift. 

Malcolm stuffed the hat behind his back and scrambled to stand at attention. "Ah, sorry sir," he said meekly. "It's a long story." 

Giving him a long stare, Archer grinned and slapped his friend on the shoulder. "Quite all right, Malcolm, I don't want to know." 

Someone stepped out from behind Archer's shoulder. "What happened?" Hoshi asked curiously. She had been in the turbolift as well, and Malcolm felt his beat skip a beat when he looked at her. Bloody hell he thought. 

Giving Porthos a quick scratch, Archer stepped behind Malcolm and led Hoshi forward. "You don't want to know either, Hoshi. Now we had better get a move on if we're going to be on time for the shuttle." 

Malcolm watched the pair move off down the corridor. Peering over her shoulder, Hoshi stared back with an odd expression on her face. It wasn't until they had rounded a corner that Malcolm breathed a sigh of relief. He clutched the now crumpled paper hat. 

There came a voice then, drawling slowly for effect. "What you got there, Lieutenant?" 

Damn. He had forgotten about Trip. 

Malcolm turned around. Arms crossed smugly over his chest, Trip grinned back at him and waggled his eyebrows. 

-----

~Chopsticks~

Malcolm swallowed and attempted to form a plausible excuse in his mind. Only one thing came to mind. 

"Nothing, Commander." 

"Uh-huh. C'mon, let me see!" Trip drawled, suddenly jerking forward and attempting to grab at what Malcolm was hiding. Malcolm easily sidestepped the engineer, but wasn't prepared when Trip stuck out a foot and tripped the armory officer mid-step. 

"Oomph!" Malcolm grunted as he landed on the unforgiving floor. He used his hands to break his fall, loosening his grip on the hat. Trip leaned down and nonchalantly plucked it from Malcolm's fingers, smoothing the object out. 

"Well, well. What do we have here?" Trip gave the "hat" a long look and then asked. "A paper cup? Ya went through all that trouble to hide a poorly decorated paper cup with a string attached?" 

"Well, I've been uh, trying my hand at crafts..." Malcolm began to explain, standing up and brushing himself off. He could hear Porthos whine from his position by the turbolift and sent the animal a death glare. Porthos whimpered again but quieted, looking away guiltily. 

"What? Not enough things to make go 'boom' lately, Malcolm?" Trip asked, laughing at the lieutenant's red face. "Aw, I'm only kiddin' ya. Have fun dog-sittin'!" Trip snickered one last time and handed Malcolm the crumpled cup, then stepped into the lift the captain and Hoshi had just exited. 

"Poorly decorated..." Malcolm mumbled angrily, repeating Trip's words. Porthos looked up at him and cocked his head to the side, a questioning whimper emanating from his tiny form. 

"Come on," Malcolm growled, reaching down and snatching the dog up. He wondered whatever had possessed him to willingly dog-sit in the first place as he headed back to his quarters. 

-----

~Lizard~

Malcolm locked himself into his room, ordering Porthos to the side of the room to sleep. Maybe I should just forget throwing her a party. But Malcolm wasn't a man to give up easily, and banishing the thought from his head, he settled in his chair and resumed planning. 

Deciding to forgo to party decorations for the present, Malcolm turned his planning skills to food. Punch was a necessity, as was some sort of a dessert. Pineapple upside down cake? Well, that would be fine for Malcolm's birthday, but Hoshi might not like that. Malcolm finally settled on cheesecake as a suitable dessert for Hoshi. It would be difficult to get enough small candles without giving away his identity. Perhaps his position as armory officer would help him in that area. 

-----

As soon as the turbolift door closed Trip began laughing hysterically. It had been difficult to pretend that he hadn't caught on to Malcolm's secret. Trying his hand at crafts, indeed. Trip enjoyed the chance to tease Malcolm, though. Deciding the man had been embarrassed enough for one day, Trip decided to not mention the incident to anyone; he would just see if he could help without Malcolm knowing about it. 

-----

Malcolm looked with pride at his supplies request. "Two boxes of cake candles, to be used in the armory for testing low-heat sensing equipment." He would have Ensign Harper deliver it in the morning. The more removed from him, the better. 

-----

~ZenosParadox~ 

Operation Pineapple - Mission Logs 

Day 1 

[Log entry::  My goal was to establish a protocol for creating party decorations. I began with a simple project: a party hat. My model, a canine who fortuitously came under my care was amenable after I bribed him with cheese. It was only after I ran out of the delicacy that he ran out of my door in full regalia when Trip interrupted my work. 

I avoided near disaster with discovery by Hoshi as she and Captain Archer left for their mission to Ryo to meet with the Angmaran Trading Council.

Trip appeared quite curious about my off-duty pursuits. Who knew Trip would be so observant! Recovered canine who spent the night sulking in his doggy bed. 

Having decided on cheesecake as the birthday sweet, I requisitioned candles for testing low temperature sensors. Thought that rather clever.

End log.] 

*****


	3. Operation Pineapple Day 2

~ZenosParadox~

Operation Pineapple - Mission Logs 

Day 2 

[Although I decided to get cheesecake for birthday cake yesterday, I changed my mind today when I noted canine's tail wagging in delight at that prospect.

No, Porthos, no cheesecake for you! 

I decided to approach Chef with a request for plain white cake. I cleverly told him that I needed it for target practice. He seemed really enthusiastic about the prospect of a cake going BOOM! 

The cake would be plain, but surely I can think of something eye-catching for its decoration? Ask first available female in mess hall about this.] 

"Ensign Cutler, what would you find most eye-catching on a birthday cake?" 

"A hunk in a g-string jumping out of it!" 

[The woman has no taste. I made a decision to avoid further interaction with her when she said...] 

"Lieutenant, I'm supposed to water Hoshi's plants, but she forgot to give me her security code. Commander Tucker said I should ask you to check them." 

[I agreed check on Hoshi's plants since that would give me the perfect opportunity to do some snooping in Hoshi's quarters. I needed ideas for a suitable birthday present.] 

-----

[Porthos and I entered Hoshi's quarters. I made sure I was the one watering her plants, not Porthos. Discovered she loves pictures, there were LOTS of pictures! Funny thing, she even had one of me from when we were on the rogue planet. Imagine that? 

Rescued footwear from Porthos. The beagle began whining when I removed--bunny slippers? The bunny faces almost look, well not like they're thinking. That would be crediting them with far too much intelligence. Still, they almost seemed pleased to see me there. I was tempted to ask them what Hoshi would like for her birthday, but they are INANIMATE! 

Took whining dog away. Will need to check Hoshi's plants later. Perhaps I'll discover more.] 

-----

[I had lunch with Trip and cleverly asked him about parties he had enjoyed.] 

"Well, one of the most fun ones I've ever been to had a Mardi Gras theme. You know, Fat Tuesday? New Orleans? And what the women will do for those beads!" 

[One would think the Southern United States was the only place where holiday fun is celebrated from his tone! I'll have you know we have Guy Fawkes Day! What could possibly be better than that?] 

"They flash ya, if ya know what I mean!" continued the Commander. 

[I decided Mardi Gras was probably more interesting than fireworks, but just a tad. Thought of Hoshi at a Mardi Gras party, wondered if I'd ever see her topless--BAD! BAD! Mustn't think such thoughts. I will never see her topless, so just quit dreaming. I forced myself to re-connect with Trip's rambling.] 

"...I think Liz Cutler said she had all the decorations for a good Mardi Gras party, but she didn't know if the Captain would approve. I think she just needs some senior staff behind her." 

[Trip actually winked at me! Heavens, he's not that desperate for gratification! Of course, he does have a tendency to become quite friendly with the alien women we encounter. Wait! He said party decorations!]

"Did you say party decorations?" 

[Yes! Checked calendar. Hoshi's birthday falls on a Tuesday and it's Mardi Gras. I will approach Cutler tomorrow about decorations. I'll explain that I need to confiscate them because they are a fire hazard unless used by next week. Yes, that should work.] 

-----

[Porthos now howling! What in the world? 

Walk the dog. My job has been reduced to walking the dog. 

We wound up next to Hoshi's quarters and he began barking wildly. I feared an intruder had invaded her space. Me, paranoid?

I quickly opened her quarters only to have the canine zip into the chamber and attach himself to bunny slippers. I could almost swear their smile widened. 

All attempts to remove Porthos from bunny slippers failed. Resorted to plan B. As Ensign Sato is on the planet for the trade negotiations that appear to be dragging on, I will allow the canine to appropriate the Bunny Slippers for the time being. I'm sure I can return them before Hoshi gets back and I must get a good night's sleep to continue my plans.] 

*****


	4. Operation Pinapple Day 3

~nehal~

Porthos watched as the lieutenant paced in front of him. One. Two. One. Sharp twirl-- 

Perhaps the born again military man could give him some cheese? It had been far too long since his last fix. 

"Hey!" He shouted at him. "Give. Cheese. Now!" Unfortunately, since Ensign Sato had not perfected his language for the UT yet it came across more as 'Grr, rrrr, argh!" 

The lieutenant jumped. 

"No. More. Cheese," he said angrily, and then before Porthos could stop him with a well-rehearsed guilty snuffle, the man was out of the door and damn near marching toward the turbolift. 

"Be that way!" Porthos glowered, and before the Lieutenant had time enough to realize he had left his quarters wearing just his skivvies, the dog--or canine companion as he preferred to be called--quickly overloaded the door locking mechanism with a well placed lick. 

That will teach him! Porthos laughed, or barked, loudly as he buried his face in the last of the Lieutenant's pineapple cobbler. It was only when it was nearly finished that the canine companion realized that now he was locked inside... 

*****

~ZenosParadox~

Operation Pineapple - Mission Logs 

Day 3 

[Somnambulance. Sleepwalking. Me? No, of course not. Unless I've been under a lot of stress. Yes, that's when it shows up. Most of the time I am safe within my quarters. MOST of the time. 

I blame the DOG. No, I refuse to refer to that maniacal cheese hound by his name. How can I begin to describe the incident? 

Suffice it to say that the first, did I say first? Yes, the FIRST person to see me wandering the corridors in my skivvies was none other than our chief engineer.] 

"Malcolm? Are ya okay? Cuz, you're wandering around in your drawers, good buddy," said Trip. His drawl was at maximum since he'd just spent the whole night taking care of a problem in Engineering. 

"It has to be perfect. Can't do the g-string bit, though. How could anyone fit in a cake?" 

"Don't worry 'bout the cake, Malcolm. I've got Chef right on it. He'll make it look real purty for Hoshi." 

[It was the sound of Hoshi's name that woke me up. You see, most sleepwalkers have their eyes opened and can even hold conversations. I began to wake, but was still groggy. I was suddenly on alert and grabbed my opponent's head in my hands. 

And where did the chief engineer of the starship Enterprise find me, you ask? I'll give you one good guess. One very, pointed-ear guess. So, the SECOND person to see me wandering the corridors in my skivvies was none other than our science officer.] 

"Gentlemen, may I ask what you are doing conferring outside of my door?" Her eyebrow quirked, then she added, "Shouldn't you find a private area for this type of activity?" 

"Now, lookee here, T'Pol, Malcolm was just--" 

"About to pound your bloody head in, Commander." 

[That's when I realized that the way I was grabbing Tucker could have been mistaken for more intimate contact than bashing his head in. I quickly jerked back and stepped into the THIRD person to see me wandering the corridors in my skivvies. How can the Denobulan smile look so evil, I ask you?] 

"There you are, Mister Reed. I have been informed by your neighbors that Porthos is whining horribly. So sorry to interrupt your nocturnal rendezvous," said Phlox with THAT smile. 

"I'm not on any rendezvous, Doctor. Now, if you will excuse me, I'll see about the DOG." 

[What did Phlox think this was? A menage a trois? As he turned his scanner onto us, I realized that's exactly what he thought. Bloody Denobulan voyeur! 

I mustered my dignity and walked away, although I could hear Tucker calling out a comment about my assets as I left. He really needs some gratification--and soon! I decided I would avoid Tucker during the next day, but my vow was soon forsaken. ]

-----

"Just get the bloody door opened!" 

"Ya gotta ask me real sweet-like, Lieutenant. Honey draws more flies than vinegar, ya know," said Tucker. 

"Open it NOW or I'll blow up the stash of pecans Chef uses for your pies, Commander." 

[Compliance. Yes, that's all I was after. Trip got my door unlocked, but not before the FOURTH and FIFTH crewmembers saw me wandering the corridors in my skivvies. Then the SIXTH, SEVENTH, and EIGHTH showed up. 

Funny, the last five were women...]

----- 

"YOU! DOG! No, don't give me that sad puppy look! You let me wander out of here while I was sleepwalking! What kind of sentinel are you?" 

Whine, whine. Porthos ran to the bunny slippers to find solace. No cheese. No cheese. No cheese. 

"Oh, be quiet and let me get some sleep. Thank goodness Hoshi isn't back yet. At least she didn't see me wandering the corridors in my skivvies."

[The good news is that I successfully commandeered the party decorations from Ensign Cutler today. In fact, as soon as I approached her with the Use-them-or-lose-them ultimatum, she gave in immediately. She did mumble something about, "Well, it wasn't a g-string, but it'll do." 

What on earth did that remark mean? 

End log entry.]

----- 

"...so we'll be staying one more night, Liz. God, I'm getting so tired of these negotiations. You won't believe what they have me wearing, either."  Hoshi shook her head and seemed to scratch her hip.  "Are you taking care of my plants?" 

"Actually, Lieutenant Reed is." 

"Liz, why are you laughing so hard? Oh, no, what did Malcolm do to my plants?" 

"Nothing, nothing, honestly. Okay, I was going to wait, but you have to see this now." 

Hoshi looked at the picture Liz was holding in her hand. Her eyes grew wide. 

"That's Malcolm--and he's in the corridor wearing nothing but his skivvies!" Hoshi's voice sounded incredulous. 

"Yup! Trip told me to grab his camera when Malcolm called him to let him into his room. Seems that Porthos locked him out. Nice, huh? I'm thinking of selling them to the ladies who didn't get a chance to witness this firsthand. How much do you think I should charge?" 

"I'll give you my supply of chocolate to make sure no one else gets a hold of that picture, Liz," said Hoshi. 

Liz winked at her friend. She was wondering if Hoshi would ever fess up. "Done." 

-----

~pologetix~

Well, I had to give up my supply of chocolate but at least nobody else is going to be getting that picture. I wonder how Porthos managed to lock Malcolm out of his quarters, that ought to be an interesting story.

"Hoshi"

"Yes sir"

"The Angmaran trading council is about to reconvene." 

Hmm back to work. Malcolm and Porthos will just have to wait. 

***** 


	5. Operation Pineapple Day 4

~ZenosParadox~

Operation Pineapple - Mission Logs 

Day 4 

[They were both staring at me. I woke up to see those dark eyes staring at me with a smile that looked, well, almost lascivious, on their faces. I think I have too much imagination. 

Yes, Porthos decided to curl up in the crook of my right arm after I fell asleep and deposited the bunny slippers on my chest. Of course, I've woken up to worse sights--no, I don't even want to think about it. 

Another day of planning for Hoshi's party. I have decided to focus on my area of expertise and make some party crackers. Yes, pull on them and SNAP! Nice little explosions of confetti all around. Hoshi would like that, wouldn't she? 

Walked Porthos, checked Hoshi's plants and even gave him a nibble of cheese for his good behavior. This should be a routine day and with Hoshi still off the ship, I have more freedom to move around.]

----- 

"Hoshi? ENSIGN SATO!" 

"Huh? What? Oh, yes, sir. Sorry, I was--you wanted something?" asked Hoshi. She had been daydreaming about the picture of Malcolm in his skivvies. This had quickly turned into her recurring fantasy of their time in decon and, well, could you blame a girl? 

"Hoshi, the Angmarans are insisting that I follow the ritual now that the deal is set. Since no women are allowed, you can go on back to the ship. See if Malcolm needs any help with Porthos, will you?" 

"Yes, sir, I'll be sure to check him out. Porthos, I mean," said Hoshi. Seven veils and all, Hoshi called Enterprise to send a shuttle for her. She would change once she got back to her quarters. Ah, perhaps she'd wear her bunny slippers all day!

----- 

[I become obsessed with projects. I've always been that way. I had to make sure the little booms were just right. I had to reject my first formulation. It was a bit too enthusiastic in its explosion, so I tossed its partner into the reject bin. 

So, was it really my fault that I was caught by Hoshi's return completely unaware? I had spent the morning in the armory with Porthos as my co-conspirator. The crackers were coming along just fine. I was going to the cargo bay to get another bag of paper to use for the confetti when I heard HER! 

I turned to the canine for confirmation, but he was already wagging his tail wildly. Hoshi was back! And no one had told me?]

----- 

"I tried to find Malcolm to come get ya, but he's been hidin' in the Armory all mornin'. Ya know how he gets when he's workin' on a project, Hoshi," said Trip as he smiled at the linguist. 

"I'm just glad to be back. I've spent the most boring time on the planet. And this outfit I've had to wear! The only excitement was when Liz called me the other night." 

Trip noticed the little smile Hoshi was trying to hide. He whispered in Hoshi's ear, "That little camera of mine comes in real handy, now, don't it?" 

-----

[I could hear Hoshi giggling at whatever preposterous thing Trip was saying. Then it hit me. Bunny slippers. Hoshi's bunny slippers were still residing in my cabin. I needed to return them! 

I looked at Porthos and ordered, "Distract her for me while I get your girlfriends back to their home." 

The beagle gave a sharp bark, and ran into the launch bay while I ran to my quarters.] 

-----

"Porthos! Look what your Daddy sent for you? And it won't even make you sick, you cute little thing!" Hoshi's voice was very indulgent as she gave the niblet to the pooch and rubbed his coat. 

Porthos was in heaven. Cheese and back rubs. All he needed was the bunny slippers and he would be fine! Wait. Bunny slippers! 

-----

[I reached my quarters and looked for the bunny slippers. They looked at me in delight, completely oblivious to the fact they were visitors who had overstayed their welcome. I grabbed them in my hand and made my way to Hoshi's quarters.]

----- 

"What's with Porthos? My quarters aren't on this deck." Hoshi was more bewildered than annoyed at this point. 

"Well, it just looked like he was trying to tell us something, so let's follow him," insisted Trip. 

As the lift opened, Hoshi saw Malcolm striding toward the elevator with determination carrying--her bunny slippers? 

-----

[It was like one of those old, bad, kung fu movies when everything goes in slow motion. I saw the door to the lift open. I saw Hoshi standing there, always a sight that makes me into a puddle of goo. What the hell was she wearing? It didn't even cover her navel! 

In my surprise I was holding loosely to the bunny slippers. 

I saw the canine acquire his target, I could even hear him calculate the trajectory. He made a sudden leap and just like that, ran off with the bunny slippers. They almost looked as if they were waving farewell as they bounced along in the canine's mouth.]

----- 

"Porthos!" Hoshi began running madly after the canine. 

"Hoshi!" Malcolm began running madly after Hoshi since her costume began unraveling as soon as she began to run. 

"Hey!" yelled Trip as he began to run after his comrades, but he stopped abruptly, waved his hand at them in dismissal and walked away. A wise man knows when to turn his back on disaster. 

-----

[Why the hell did they dress her like that? There was NOTHING holding...things in place! Seven...veils? I caught them as quickly as I could and kept calling her, but she just kept running after the DOG. 

Topographical memory. Dogs usually have very good maps and spatial memory. But does this one? No, this dog is special. This dog has to go back from whence he came: the armory!]

----- 

"Porthos, give me my slippers!" 

"Hoshi, you need to cover up!" 

Hoshi looked down at her costume and realized that only three veils were left. And there stood Malcolm holding the other four, waving them in the air as he chased her down. 

But retrieving her bunny slippers was more important. She reached for Porthos, who slipped under the table in the armory where Malcolm had been working earlier. 

Hoshi began reaching under the table blindly affording a very interesting view of her bum to the Armory Officer. 

-----

[Fine. I admit it. I was a bit distracted as I was trying to help Hoshi retrieve her bunny slippers. I mean, only three veils left and she HAD to bend over! I'm only a man! 

And then it happened.]

----- 

Hoshi felt something and grabbed at it wildly. She felt Porthos tugging on the other side, so she gave a strong pull. 

BOOM! 

Her ears were ringing, but one thought reverberated through her mind. "MALCOLM!" 

-----

[Well, I suppose I did get a bit carried away, but that cracker had been placed in the reject bin! It wasn't my fault the DOG had tricked her into getting into a tug of war over a little explosive. 

I dropped the veils onto her lap, reached under the table, and dragged out a whimpering Porthos who brought the bunny slippers with him. They were still a virginal white and seemed quite pleased at the chaos they had generated. 

Hoshi looks very pretty even when her eyebrows are singed and there was soot on her face, I noticed. 

Then I realized what folks meant by the old adage, "If looks could kill!" 

Then I realized I understood another old adage. I was definitely in the dog house. And my companion was still the DOG.] 

***** 


	6. Operation Pineapple Day 5

~PJinNH~

Operation Pineapple - Mission Logs 

Day 5 

I was seated in the mess hall with Porthos at my feet. Idly, I ate my breakfast of pancakes and peanut butter while quietly reviewing the party preparations on my padd. I was fighting back a yawn, thanks to only a few hours of sleep, when Travis Mayweather sat down across from me. 

"Hey, Malcolm, how's it going?" he greeted me as he shook out his napkin and placed it on his lap. 

You could hear the grin on his face, without even looking at him. My hand itched to grab a phase pistol and shoot the too-cheery-in-the-morning pilot right between his mockingly wide-awake eyes. People like that always brought to mind how my mother used to wake up Madeline and I in the morning. 'Rise and shine, the mornin's fine! Cheerio!' she'd chirp very brightly. Somehow even thinking about that phrase now makes me want to cringe and huddle down beneath my bed sheets in hopes I can catch a few more moments of slumber before my feet hit the cold floor of my bedroom. 

I looked up at my young friend. "It goes," I said flatly and turned my attention back to my padd. Actually it wasn't going very well after the fiasco yesterday in the armory. I certainly hoped Hoshi would forgive me for the cracker incident.

Travis nodded, seemingly oblivious to my mood and dug in to his breakfast of some type of omelet bursting with what looked like last night's leftovers. "Needs something," he exclaimed smacking his lips. He turned around, grabbing a bottle of hot sauce from the table behind him. With a flourish, he liberally dosed his breakfast with the red liquid. Just when I thought my eyes were going to water from the odor of the fiery liquid, Travis put down the bottle and once again attacked his breakfast. With a sigh, I pushed my own breakfast off to one side. 

"Not hungry?" Travis asked. Or at least I think that's what he said, his mouth was full of his boomer breakfast at the time. 

"Not any longer," I assured him. Selecting a piece of my pancake, I lowered my hand underneath the table and offered it to the Captain's beagle. Quickly, and with a thank-you lick on my hand, the offering was gone. 

Thinking I might be able to get a few more things done before my shift started, I switched my padd's program from Operation Pineapple to Operation Kaboom, and began to type away at my latest plans for a plasma grenade. 

"You know, I'm really looking forward to this party," Travis said. 

I looked up and nodded, apparently a mountain of food wasn't enough to keep the boomer quiet. I only prayed he wouldn't breathe on me. 

"Aren't you?" 

"Of course I am," I said. "It should be a fine time. Hopefully, Hoshi won't find out." 

"Don't worry, I don't think anyone's going to say anything to her. Not if they know what's good for them. Hey, you don't know who thought up this idea do you?" he asked, taking a large gulp of tomato juice. 

"Excuse me?" 

"You know, who decided to throw Hoshi a party? I've asked all around, and I can't find out. It's almost like whoever's hosting this gig, wants to keep it quiet." 

I shrugged, hoping I looked uninterested, and continued to work on Operation Kaboom. 

"It's bound to be a lot of fun!" Travis exclaimed. "It'll be the first real party on Enterprise. I just can't wait to see what those gals down in shuttlepod repair come up with for a present for Hoshi!" 

He laughed loudly, his mouth open sending potent fumes of the hot sauce in my direction. I fought to keep my own meal from making a return appearance. To hell with plasma grenades I thought, I'll just toss Starfleet's very own Warp Five Hot Sauce at the enemy! 

"I went to the Academy with Ginny and Darlene, they have one wicked sense of humor!" Travis assured me. "There were some things they used to give as presents that would make even a boomer blush!" 

I nodded again. 

"By the way, Malcolm, have you heard what kind of music they're going to play at the party?" 

"Music?" I croaked. 

"Yeah, have to make sure I wear the proper footwear you know. Have to know if I need to wear my slippery-soled shoes or my clunky, cloggy boots. Makes all the difference you know!" Travis bobbed his head, punctuating the accuracy of his statement while he shoveled another forkful of his breakfast waste dump into his mouth. 

Damn, I hadn't even thought of the music. What was I going to do? 

Well, bloody hell, I wasn't the ship's security officer for nothing, was I? I smiled to myself. 

"Travis, I'll see you later. I've got some work to do." 

He nodded, his mouth full of food. 

"And, Ensign," I added, making myself sound very much like a proper British military officer. "Gargle before you report to your station. Consider it an order." 

The chewing ceased. Travis paused, his eyes widened, and then he swallowed, all the while maintaining eye contact with me. "Yes, sir." 

I smiled and he bobbed his head obviously knowing I wasn't that upset (little did he know). A relaxed grin spreading across the helmsman's face. "Sure thing, Lieutenant." 

With a half-wave, I left the mess hall, Porthos at my heels, and headed to my office in the armory. Seating myself behind my computer terminal I laced my fingers together, stretched them out in front of me which resulted in a satisfying crack of my knuckles. It was time to obtain the necessary information. First, I accessed the ship's personnel database. 

I inputted the search parameters focusing on instrumental and vocal talents, and before long, several members of the ship's crew appeared on the screen. Starfleet had been very thorough with inputting the crew's information. It not only listed what instrument or vocal range they possessed, but also listed groups or bands they had belonged to, and if they had ever received any recognition for their talents. Through the ship's cargo roster I was even able to determine whether they brought their instruments on board with them. 

It wasn't long before I was able to cull down the list to that of eight, every one of them had been a part of a jazz group at one time in their past. I had found people to play the clarinet, trumpet, trombone, and guitar, and even someone from engineering who supposedly was quite talented with the harmonica. 

And if I remembered correctly, Trip Tucker, in addition to playing the harmonica, could also sing pretty well. 

I wrote up some notes to slip under the doors of their quarters. It simply read: You have been requested to attend a surprise birthday party on the 4th. In honor of the occasion, you are also requested to provide the entertainment for the evening. Please bring your [name of instrument] with you one hour before the event to practice with the rest of the ship's impromptu jazz band. Thank you. Signed: Party Host. 

Note how I, shrewdly, spelled honour? I'm not the Tactical Officer for nothing! 

I turned off the computer, and exited my cabin. 

-----

~ZenosParadox~ 

Operation Pineapple - Mission Logs 

Day 5: supplemental 

[I was so confident things were shaping up well for Hoshi's party that I never considered the next stumbling block. One would think that arranging for entertainment would be the most difficult thing. 

But, no, the most difficult thing was obtaining the candles. Why? Because our ship has to be special. Our ship has to have a resident Vulcan. 

And what is it Vulcans do every night, you might ask? 

Well, they meditate, of course. 

And what do they use when they meditate? 

Every, single, freaking candle on board! 

My request for candles came back with a note saying: Request for candles can only be submitted through Sub-commander T'Pol to ensure she has an adequate supply. 

I wish I could blame this predicament on Porthos or the bunny slippers. But, this time, the blame was clearly on the Vulcan. 

Logic. I only had to approach this logically. Hmm. Of course, Porthos needed his evening constitutional. Captain Archer had contracted a minor infection planetside and was further detained. The four brunettes in the background of his transmission had nothing to do with his extended stay, I'm sure. 

I turned to my only friend and asked Porthos to lead me to the place I needed. He's really adorable when he wags his tail.]

----- 

Porthos barked and growled at the door before Malcolm had a chance to press the buzzer. 

"Settle down, will you?" said Malcolm as he picked up Porthos. 

"I was trying to settle down, Lieutenant." T'Pol was at the door now and looked at the pair with an air of suspicion. 

"My apologies for disturbing you, Sub-commander. I need a requisition for candles filled and was directed to you." 

"Why would you need candles, Lieutenant?" T'Pol arched an eyebrow, but Porthos still tried to jerk out of Malcolm's hands to lick her. 

Malcolm maintained his composure as the beagle continued to squirm. "The candles are necessary to test the low temperature sensors. I just need the smallest, thinnest ones." 

"Very well. I'll authorize the delivery of one candle to the armory." 

T'Pol was about to retreat to her quarters when Malcolm insisted, "But I need at least twenty-six." 

"Twenty-six?" 

"Precisely twenty-six. I've done all the calculations. Twenty-six exactly." 

The Vulcan suddenly nodded. Her excellent hearing had captured the rumors of Ensign Sato's birthday party. 

"Very well, Lieutenant. I will see they are delivered. Good night." 

-----

[Another successful venture. I'd hoodwinked a Vulcan and gotten the candles as well.  I am a true mastermind. I was whistling all the way back to my quarters when Porthos succeeded in flying out of my arms and jumping into the turbolift. 

It didn't take a rocket scientist to determine his goal: bunny slippers. 

That meant Hoshi's quarters! 

Hoshi, the woman who had received an ashen face mask yesterday because of the DOG. 

Hoshi, the woman who had been glaring at me anytime I saw her today. 

Life is so simple. Of course that's exactly where the DOG was heading.]

----- 

Hoshi was in her quarters wearing her bathrobe and bunny slippers while she contemplated the picture of Lieutenant Malcolm Reed in his skivvies that she had pinned above her desk. 

Her eyebrows were freshly plucked since she was a woman who appreciated symmetry. The soot had washed off nicely. Still, you'd think the armory officer would show up at her door to beg her forgiveness. 

But not Malcolm. As she held a straightpin in her hand, she considered where she wanted to stab the picture. No, below the belt was too, too, NO! 

Through an arm? But that would mean disrupting the image of those well-toned limbs. No. 

Through the eyes? His eyes were one of his best features, always so expressive. No, she wanted to leave his eyes alone. 

So what part of Malcolm was her target? She looked at his chest, shifted the pin off to the left a bit, and stabbed in right through the heart. 

That's when she heard the whining and the muffled male voice that couldn't disguise the clipped tones of the Englishman. 

Hoshi walked to her door and opened it. 

-----

[I caught up to the DOG and knelt to grab him. That's when the door opened. I was practically groveling at Hoshi's feet! But the humiliation didn't end there. 

No, the DOG then spotted the BUNNY SLIPPERS!]

----- 

"Malcolm? Wha--EEK!" 

"Porthos! No!" 

-----

[If you have a--let's call it a vertical column. Yes, if you have a vertical column, it will have a center of gravity. Now, if you do something to disrupt this center of gravity, it will tumble. 

I think this interlude is clear evidence that I will never be in Hoshi's good graces. 

Not that I didn't derive a certain pleasure in having her body land on top of me. And all the wriggling she did as she tried to squirm away from the DOG as he tried to ravish her bunny slippers had an interesting effect on me. 

And if she hadn't screamed directly into my left ear, I never would have, er, grabbed at things. Nicely padded things. Silky, padded things. 

Well, what the hell was she doing being completely naked under her robe, I ask you?]

----- 

"Eek!" 

-----

[For a linguist, Hoshi's vocabulary becomes quite limited when she's upset.] 

-----

SLAP! 

-----

[Nonverbal communication must be Hoshi's specialty. I got her message loud and clear. And she carries quite a wallop in a slap.]

----- 

"Get out!" Hoshi tightened her robe and crawled off Malcolm. Her movements afforded him a great view of her now robe-covered bum as she wriggled away. 

Hoshi then drew her legs beneath her to protect the bunny slippers, who were still smiling invitingly to Porthos. They had obviously enjoyed the visit. 

-----

[So now I sit with my only companion, the DOG. Gave him cheese to stop his whining. Actually, he sounded the way I feel. 

What Hoshi must think of me! I was even more determined to ensure her birthday party was perfect--even though I now had no intention of being present. 

List of things to do tomorrow: Find spirits.]

*****


	7. Operation Pineapple Day 6

~PJinNH~ 

Day 6 

Malcolm looked at his list for what he thought must be the hundredth time. There was still one major item he hadn't thought of--refreshments--and more specifically, adult refreshments. Where on this ship was he going to find enough booze for the party? 

Then he remembered, it always seemed that one certain member of the crew always had some potent potables whenever he paid a visit to the crewmember in the evening. Of course, it wasn't referred to as booze, it was medicinal brandy. 

"Come on, Porthos," Malcolm said to his four-legged companion. "We have some work to do." 

Malcolm strode purposefully down the corridors of Enterprise. The beagle trotted along behind him. 

-----

Malcolm, standing a parade rest, waited just inside the doors to sickbay. Porthos dutifully sat beside him while they waited for the doctor to finish up with a patient. 

With a smile and a nod, Phlox helped one of the young male cargo bay workers off the examination table. 

"Remember," Phlox called after him. "Take two analgesics and call me in the morning if you aren't feeling better!" 

The pale young man nodded and waved to the physician just before he left sickbay. 

"Now what can I do for you, Lieutenant?" Phlox asked, walking towards Malcolm. "There isn't anything wrong with Porthos, is there?" 

Phlox knelt down in front of the dog and scratched the canine behind one ear. Porthos cocked his head to one side. 

"Nope, other than a bunny slipper obsession, he's doing fine," Malcolm said, folding his arms across his chest and looking down at the dog. Porthos met his gaze. 

"Woof!" 

"Likely alibi," the lieutenant barked back. 

"Bunny slippers, Mr. Reed?" Phlox questioned. 

"It's a long story, Doctor. But needless to say, Porthos can't get enough." 

Phlox grinned. "If there is anything I can do, please let me know." 

"I will, but bunny slippers aren't the reason for my visit. I was hoping you could help me out with a problem I'm having in the armory." 

"Why don't you come into my office," Phlox suggested. "I have to update Mr. Blaxton's medical records, and while I'm doing that we can talk." 

"Stay, Porthos," Malcolm ordered and the pup dutifully lay down on the deck, his dark eyes maintaining their focus on the lieutenant. Malcolm followed the doctor toward the office, but the sound of whimpering made him stop and turn back. "Okay, you can come, Porthos. But you better behave yourself," he warned. 

The beagle scampered across the medical bay and into the doctor's office. 

"He minds well," Phlox commented, watching the dog hop up on one of the chairs. 

Malcolm walked into the doctor's sanctuary, crossed his arms over his chest, and, glaring at the dog, cleared his throat. 

Porthos looked up at the man and whined softly. 

Malcolm cleared his throat again, but this time a bit louder. 

Reluctantly, Porthos leapt off the chair and settled himself on the floor between the guest chair and the doctor's desk. 

"Sometimes he minds well," Malcolm said. He brushed off any dog hair from the now-vacated seat and then lowered himself down in the chair. No sooner had Malcolm sat down than Porthos lifted his head and placed it on his foot. 

"He likes you," the doctor noted with a smile. 

"He likes the synthetic cheese I've been feeding him," Malcolm explained. Reaching into his pocket he withdrew a cube of cheese and tossed it to the canine. Porthos didn't miss the projectile. In a blink of an eye, the treat was captured, swallowed, and in the pup's belly. "I'm contemplating asking the Captain if I could try and train him to sniff out explosives. Beagles have a remarkable sense of smell." Porthos dropped back down to the deck, once again resting his head on Malcolm's foot. 

"Well, I don't suppose it would hurt to ask," Phlox said. "Of course you'd have to be very patient with Porthos." 

"I've been reading up on the training procedures, Doctor. I think it might be worth the time. But actually, that wasn't the purpose for my visit. I think you may recall one evening when I paid you a visit and you offered me a bit of refreshment?" 

Phlox grinned and nodded. "Yes, I think you are referring to my medicinal brandy." 

Malcolm returned the smile. "Yes, the medicinal brandy. You see I took some back to my cabin one night after we met, and I tested it out. I used it to degrease some of the armory equipment. Worked better than the Starfleet-issued solvents. I have a big overhaul of a torpedo launcher scheduled shortly, and I was wondering if you'd have enough 'medicinal brandy' available to suit my purposes." 

"Well you see, Lieutenant, that would depend." Phlox steepled his fingers together and leaned forward over his desk, resting his chin on his finger tips. 

"Depend, Doctor?" 

"Depend on my source." 

"Your source?" 

"You do have to protect your source." 

Malcolm leaned forward as well and dropped his voice to a whisper. "And if I promise to do everything in my power to ensure the safety of your source?" 

Phlox grinned and leaned back. "Then I think we can do business, Lieutenant." 

-----

"I swear if you tell anyone I'm lugging kegs of booze through the ship's corridors at 0200 hours, Porthos, I'll have you busted down to Crewdog, Grade III," Malcolm grumbled. In his arms was a large heavy silver barrel. Sounds of sloshing could be heard from within the container. 

Porthos woofed. 

Sounds of someone coming toward them down the corridor made Malcolm slip into one of the side corridor, but the sudden movement caused the cap on the keg to loosen and pop off. Poor Porthos was splashed with the amber liquid from within. Malcolm swore a British blue streak as quietly as possible as he started to lower the cumbersome silver barrel to the deck. 

Then he saw it. 

Porthos' ears rose and the dog froze in place. Then the dog ruffed and cocked his head to one side. 

"No, Porthos!" Malcolm whispered huskily. "Stay!" 

The beagle ruffed again, and the next moment the booze-splashed dog was warping down the corridor toward the sound. 

And before Malcolm could set the container down on the deck, he heard it. 

The sound was distinct, and frantic. 

A clear, but desperate voice from down the corridor called out. It was a voice he was generally happy to hear--it made him smile. He remembered quite well hearing that same voice when he and Trip had been freezing and suffocating to death in Shuttlepod One not that long ago. My, how times change. 

"Porthos, NOOOOOO!!!!" the familiar voice cried out. 

The sound made his stomach turn and twist. He felt like dropping to his knees and bashing his head against the wall, but instead, he got to his feet and raced after the captain's dog. 

Turning the corner at the end of the corridor at a run, he slid into the outer wall, spotting Hoshi. The young woman was backed into a corner and Porthos was slobbering all over her bunny slippers. 

Malcolm dove at the beagle. He grabbed the dog, pulling him away from Hoshi's feet, and rolled over onto his back, Porthos clasped to his chest. 

"Porthos! Bad dog!" Malcolm scolded. He looked up from his position on the deck and into Hoshi' dark eyes. "I'm sorry, Hoshi. He just seems to like your slippers. You know, beagles and rabbits, I guess that's the connection." He laughed half-heartedly. 

Hoshi pushed her hair back away from her face, and knelt down beside the pair. "Actually, I guess it's rather flattering. It isn't every day I have two males lying at my feet. If you keep this up, it just might go to my..."

Hoshi paused. Her nose crinkled. Reaching out quickly, she swatted him across the side of his head. "Malcolm Reed, what have you been feeding this dog! He smells like booze! How could you?" 

Malcolm looked up at her incredulously. 

"C'mon, baby dog," Hoshi lifted the beagle into her arms and stood up. "Come with me and I'll clean you all up. What has that man been doing to you?"

Hoshi glared down at Malcolm and turned to leave, Porthos' face peeked up over her shoulder and down at Malcolm. "I'll give you a bath and a brush and you'll be as good as new!" 

A look of pure terror appeared on the pup's face. 

-----

~ZenosParadox~

Operation Pineapple - Mission Logs 

Day 6 

[Obtained sufficient medicinal brandy to knock an elephant on its ass. 

Unfortunately, the DOG was again seduced by the bunny slippers with dire consequences. Some sloshing brandy left a distinct odor on the canine's fur, and now Hoshi thinks I'm a sleazy, alcoholic weapons jock who cannot take care of a dumb animal. 

My only satisfaction came when I saw the look on the DOG's face when Hoshi mentioned the word BATH!

I miss Porthos. At least he'll sleep with the bunny slippers tonight. Lucky dog.] 

*****


	8. Operation Pineapple Day 7

~ZenosParadox~

Operation Pineapple - Mission Logs 

Day 7 

[Today is the day. I have placed Cargo Bay One off limits to everyone for the next 36 hours so that I can decorate for the party. 

I liked my memo for that one: 

ACCESS TO CARGO BAY ONE IS PROHIBITED FOR THE NEXT 36 HOURS SO THAT IT CAN BE FUMIGATED FOR FLEAS. 

I even had Phlox authorize it on the pretense that I had seen a flea there. And without the DOG to take care of, I will have all the time in the world to see to decorations. 

My current list indicates that all is on schedule: 

1. Birthday cake: Faux target, white, large, pretty, tasty 

2. Decorations: Confiscated fire hazard, garish but bright 

3. Party favors: Minor explosives, sufficient number to arm all crew 

4. Entertainment: Covert operatives with musical instruments, all of whom should know better than to ignore a summons 

5. Birthday candles: Low temperature sensor testers, 26 

6. Refreshments: Medicinal brandy, 50 liters 

7. Birthday present: Um, this line is empty! 

How the hell could I have forgotten? What can I possibly get for Hoshi in the next 24 hours?]

-----

The First Officer's voice came over the comm line to the armory. 

"Lieutenant Reed, the captain will be ready to return to Enterprise in four hours. Please take a shuttlepod down when--" 

"Hey, Malcolm, ya know, I just noticed everyone's gotten to go planetside except for you while we've been hoverin' over Ryo this past week. Why don't you go early and catch a bit of down time?" 

On the bridge, Trip winked at T'Pol. He bet his friend had been so busy planning the party that he hadn't thought of a present. Trip didn't want Malcolm to be embarrassed at a party he worked so hard to arrange. 

"Very well, Commander. I'll prep the shuttle and be ready to leave in twenty."

Malcolm smiled as he added to his mission log:  

[How fortuitous! I'll find something for Hoshi, retrieve the captain, and still have plenty of time to decorate for the party.]

The Lieutenant quickly went to his quarters, changed into jeans, a blue t-shirt, and grabbed a denim jacket. He felt the universe smiling at him. 

-----

[I was happy. Hoshi hated me, but I felt that I could make it up to her with an appropriate birthday present. I was in high spirits until I heard the dog in the launch bay. I poked my head out of the shuttle to see not only Porthos, but also Hoshi Sato, again dressed in the seven veils. 

I could hear the universe laughing. Really, it began as a snicker and ended in a whole-hearted guffaw.]

----- 

"Ensign." 

"Lieutenant." 

"Ruff." 

No one moved for a moment, but finally Malcolm was compelled to ask. "May I ask what you're doing here?" 

"The Angmarans insisted I go to the market and select a memento for my work." Hoshi kept her face placid and resisted the itch that the veil on her right hip was causing, but she couldn't prevent the slight wriggle of her hips. 

Porthos merely sat on his haunches and looked at the humans. He was going to see Daddy, so even the bunny slippers dimmed in his mind. Besides, it was the morning after. He needed some space. 

Malcolm nodded and let his hand indicate the hatch. "By all means, come aboard." 

-----

[I shall rename this My Day in Hell. 

Operation Pineapple - Mission Logs 

Day in Hell 

See? I wasn't joking. 

Once on Ryo, I intended to ditch Hoshi and Porthos so that I could find the present for her. She apparently had other plans and dragged me with her into every shop in the main thoroughfare. And did she have to twitch her hips at every man within sight? Luckily I felt duty bound to keep the blighters away from her.]

----- 

Hoshi was fuming! The ride to the planet had been silent except for the occasional yawn from Porthos. Of course, Malcolm was being impossible. He was the one who should have been down on his knees thanking her for getting Porthos cleaned up before the Captain saw what he had done to the poor canine. 

Instead, it seemed as if he was trying to dump her! Hoshi was heartbroken as she considered that Malcolm was just after some R and R with a willing female. 

"I'll be fine, Lieutenant. Since you're so anxious to run off--" Hoshi stopped her tirade as the contact with the veil on her left hip began itching as well. She gave an unconscious shimmy, and soon had every man in the store staring at her. Of course, most were middle-aged Angmaran farmers and dairymen here for the Trading Council. 

Malcolm frowned at the Angmarans, and whispered to Porthos, "Be on alert. I don't like the looks of this crowd. They seem a bit too--earthy." 

Porthos wagged his tail. He thought he smelled cheese on one of the farmers. He began sniffing around, so now Malcolm had to keep both Hoshi and the beagle in sight. The conflicted man was so distracted by trying to evade Hoshi while still keeping an eye on her that he failed to take note of all the items Hoshi liked in a store. 

"Can I help you, sir?" asked each shopkeeper. 

"No, I'm fine. Just making sure my officer isn't disturbed," said Malcolm. 

Actually, he was beginning to enjoy the way the veils moved around Hoshi's body, especially when she bent over to examine another item. Malcolm suddenly noticed the shopkeeper's glance at her padded parts and said, "Hoshi, let's try another store. There's bound to be one with a blind shopkeeper."

----- 

[I did my duty. I remained by the provocateur and the pooch for three hours as Hoshi tested fabrics, perfumes, and spices. Porthos was diligent about sniffing at everyone who approached. My influence is obviously rubbing off on the dog. 

Still, I was getting tired of elbowing my way through the throng of men who kept leering at our communications officer, so I dragged her and Porthos away to a side street.]

----- 

"What was wrong with that store? Malcolm, you're really acting strangely," said Hoshi as she was dragged out of the bead store. Porthos merely followed the humans and yawned again. He really seemed a bit tired. 

"Let's try this side street. I bet you'll find a bargain," said Malcolm. 

-----

[My plan was simple. 

1. Find a blind shopkeeper. 

2. Abandon Harem Girl Hoshi. 

3. Quickly purchase a birthday present she will actually like and not go "Eww" over. 

4. Collect Harem Girl Hoshi, Porthos, and meet Captain back at shuttlepod. 

5. Decorate the cargo bay. 

Foolproof, simple, it was a plan.]

----- 

"Um, Malcolm, is there a reason you brought me to this street?" asked Hoshi as she held Porthos in her arms. Malcolm had grabbed her by the elbow just as Porthos was finding a cozy spot for a nap. 

Hoshi scooped up the beagle, who barely registered the change. As she looked around the street Malcolm was leading her through, understanding was sinking in and she felt so embarrassed. Why didn't she realize it before? All those late nights in the Armory with Trip? Always working out in the gym with Travis? 

"Well, I must confess I prefer the atmosphere better on this street," said Malcolm without thinking. His only thought had been dragging her out of the last shop--the proprietor had been drooling over her. 

Hoshi began speaking with her voice carrying her contrition. "I'm so sorry I never made the connection. I know how difficult it still is for men like you to be open." 

"Well, I don't like to wear my heart on my sleeve. I'm glad you understand," said Malcolm, thinking Hoshi was finally forgiving him for the series of unfortunate events that seemed to haunt their encounters of late. 

Hoshi merely nodded a bit sadly while one of Porthos' ears twitched as she carried the slumbering dog. They continued to walk for a moment as Malcolm looked around in satisfaction. Then he noticed men were still staring. 

"There are still too many men leering at a Starfleet officer for my tastes." 

"Malcolm, you should feel flattered. They're all staring at you." 

-----

[I am a dim-witted git. I have clear evidence of this because it took me almost thirty minutes to realize we were on the gay side of the city. Suddenly the conversation with Hoshi took on an entirely different context. 

I am doomed. Hoshi now thinks I am a sleazy, gay, alcoholic weapons jock who can't take care of a dumb animal. 

But logic prevailed. On this street, Hoshi would be safe from leering men. I quickly made my excuses, told her I would meet her later, and ran off leaving her with Porthos.]

----- 

Hoshi sighed as she saw Malcolm run off. He was obviously VERY anxious for some R and R. She shook her head, thinking, "What a waste." 

But as luck would have it, the stores on this street did have a better selection. Hoshi soon found herself trying to decide whether to settle for the red sarong dress or the white one. She was so absorbed in her decision that she failed to notice Porthos raising his head to sniff the air from where he had been sleeping in the shop. 

Sniff. Sniff. Porthos looked at Hoshi. She was so nice to him and she had provided him access to the beautiful bunny slippers. But could he ever forgive her for giving him a bath? 

No. 

So the beagle followed the smell of cheese with a clear conscience. 

-----

[I thought I was SO brilliant. I found a beautiful puzzle box carved from wood. The lid was hidden, but slides out so that one can use it to store keepsakes. I knew Hoshi was collecting a lot of mementos from our various travels. This would be just the thing. 

I made my purchase and went to find Hoshi and Porthos. I thought the universe was smiling benevolently at me again. 

I was wrong. The universe was now busting a gut with laughter.]

----- 

"Ah, I see that you've finally found something," said Malcolm when he recognized the veiled bum of the woman leaning over the counter. 

"Malcolm, what do you think? This color or this one?" asked Hoshi. She was determined to at least treat Malcolm as a treasured girlfriend. 

"Uh, I suppose the red one would be fine." 

"Hm, I don't know. You almost have to wear red lipstick, but I've been in the mood to wear pink lipstick. What do you think? The pink lipstick wouldn't work with the red dress, would it?" 

Malcolm was too busy noticing the detail of Hoshi's cupid bow mouth as she spoke of lipstick. Frankly, he didn't give a damn what she wore on her lips as long as-- Don't go there! 

To change the subject, Malcolm asked, "Where's Porthos?" 

-----

[Those are two words that I dread hearing now. Where's Porthos. I think it translates into a curse in some language. I'm sure that it must. 

You see, we soon discovered that the dog was running as fast as he could after a convoy from the largest farm in the area. 

And why was the dog running after the convoy? 

Because it came from a dairy farm. 

And what did this particular dairy farm sell at the market? 

CHEESE!]

----- 

"Porthos!" Malcolm and Hoshi shouted at the beagle. To their utter astonishment, the canine merely sped up to make a flying leap into the convoy of vehicles. The officers watched as he sat on his haunches at the edge of the bed of the vehicle and wagged his tail. 

"Malcolm, we have to get Porthos. Oh, no, what will Captain Archer think? We rendezvous in thirty minutes." 

Malcolm immediately went into tactical mode. "First, we need an alibi. Call the captain and say you can't make up your mind yet and need more time. In the meantime, I'll rent a transport so that we can recover Porthos." 

-----

[Good things that happened today. I think I can count them on one hand. 

1. The Captain bought our feeble alibi. 

2. Everyone knew where the dairy farm was. 

3. I was able to immediately rent a transport. 

Not so good things that then happened, offered in a brief summary. 

1. The only transport for rent resembled a motorcycle. No, a motor scooter. Well, it had a motor. 

2. The top speed of the transport was 30 kilometers per hour or thereabouts. 

3. The dairy farm was 100 kilometers away. 

4. The dairy farm had transports that moved at an average speed of 50 kilometers per hour. 

5. You do the math. 

Now, I could have used the shuttlepod, but that would have required alerting the captain. Jonathan Archer seemed content in accepting Hoshi's alibis about needing to try another dress even as we were on the road to rescue the DOG from his own muddle. I think it had something to do with the four brunettes I mentioned earlier. 

Oh, I forgot to add to my latest list. 

6. Hoshi had to ride by wrapping her arms around my chest with her thighs around mine. 

7. Blood does not need to be drawn in order to torture a man. No, it just needs to flow in an inappropriate direction.]

----- 

The officers finally arrived at the dairy farm with Hoshi giving her latest fib to her Captain, "Well, this time the fit around the waist wasn't right. But, if you want me to settle for second best and offend the Angmarans..." 

Malcolm was impressed at Hoshi's creativity, but now they were greeted by two rather rough looking men who came out of the barn as they pulled up to the main house. 

"Excuse us, sir, but our dog--" 

"We'll let you have the dog for turn with your b--"

Bash!  "Look, I'm having a really bad day here. I just want the dog. Now if you don't want to end up on the ground like your friend, just tell us where he is?" 

The man looked at his partner who lay unconscious on the ground, then at the compact man with the harem girl. Obviously he had not brought her out here to sell her services to them. 

"Dog's in the barn. Had to lock him up because he was howling so loudly. Good riddance." 

Porthos leapt into Malcolm's arms as soon as the door was opened. This sent Malcolm into Hoshi who was following close behind him. As he turned to give his apology, Malcolm finally took in the sight that was Hoshi Sato. 

-----

[Three? 

It must be a magic number, because once again, only three veils were left. I could only pray that they remained intact on our long ride home. 

Three hours. See, there's that number again. 

Three passengers on the transport. Yes, I think that proves it.]

----- 

The ride back was uncomfortable, but somehow they managed to reach the shuttlepod. Malcolm waited for Hoshi to dismount and closed his eyes. Please let her have something covered? Please? 

Malcolm opened his eyes and thought the universe was merciful. All three veils were still there. With a sigh of relief, he dismounted and walked to the shuttlepod. 

"Let's put Porthos inside, then we can meet the Captain at the restaurant he mentioned." Malcolm was glad his day was almost at an end. 

"Poor thing. Do you think he'll be all right all alone in there? You know how sensitive he can be?" said Hoshi as she cooed at the dog nestled against her breasts. 

"Oh, I think he'll be fine. Here, Porthos. In you go!" The dog was tossed inside the shuttlepod. 

"Oh, good! I'm glad I'm not late. The time just got away from me," said Captain Archer as he approached his officers. 

To his surprise, Malcolm shut the hatch to the shuttlepod and checked its chronometer. Damn! It had quit working. "Well, you know how women are, sir, can never make up their minds." 

Hoshi gave Malcolm a small glare at that comment, but said, "I've got the perfect dress. It's in the pouch on the transport." 

"I see you went all out during your day here. Sightseeing?" asked Archer. 

"You could say that, sir, but now we need to get back," said Malcolm as he tried not to stare as Hoshi bent over to get the pouch off the transport. He turned to open the shuttlepod. 

-----

[The door had jammed. I thought it was my fault, but then I heard two sharp barks from the dog. Somehow he had activated the controls and had locked us out! 

And who is it that gets to find the access panel underneath the vessel to unlock the shuttle? 

Would it be the captain of the starship Enterprise? 

Would it be the Harem Girl with three veils barely shielding her body parts? 

Of course it was neither of the two. It was the armory officer whose special training made him the ideal grease monkey. That and the fact that I was the one in denim.]

----- 

"We'll get you out in a minute, Porthos! Now, quit whining! Wait! Bad dog! No, don't chew on that..." Archer gave a running commentary as he looked through the shuttlepod window to monitor the activity of his pet. 

That left Hoshi free to serve as a handmaiden to Lieutenant Malcolm Reed. Yes, the man who was currently under the shuttlepod. The man who had doffed his jacket so that he could maneuver. The man whose arm muscles Hoshi could see tensing as he worked to pry the panel off and get to the controls. The man who was wearing blue jeans that fit like a glove. The man who she had just discovered was gay. 

Hoshi sighed and merely handed Malcolm whatever implement he next requested. The landing site had plenty of tools, so that was no problem. And watching Malcolm squirming under the shuttle was certainly more entertaining than watching Porthos eat the shuttlepod. 

"Aha! Try it now, Captain!" 

-----

[We finally made it back at 0200 hours. I waited until Hoshi and the Captain were gone, then made my way directly to Cargo Bay One. I had to have everything finished so that I could still make my shift in the morning. 

It's done. I'm lying on the floor of the cargo bay, just looking around at the decorations. Streamers, balloons, colorful banners. I have the table arranged just waiting for refreshments, an area for the band, a dance floor. 

I'll just close my eyes for moment. Just for one moment. 

End log.]

***** 


	9. Surprise!

~PJinNH~

He shivered, and turned to his left, drawing his legs up closer to his chest in an effort to stay warm. It was only when he reached to draw up a blanket that wasn't there, that Malcolm stirred. Upon opening his eyes he noticed the shadows created by the party streamers which hung from the ceiling of the cargo bay. Malcolm groaned as he rolled over to his knees and finally stood up. Rubbing his hands across the stubble on his face, he tried to wake up. The day wasn't over and there was still things to do before tonight. 

It was The Day. The day he had planned for during the past week. And if everything happened as he hoped it would, and if Trip Tucker could keep his mouth shut, Hoshi would never find out who was responsible for her birthday celebration. She'd laugh, dance, eat, and perhaps dance again. He closed his eyes and he could picture a vibrant Hoshi Sato. She was dressed in a sexy red dress, cut down to her navel, and wearing matching high-heeled lipstick red shoes. He sighed at the alluring image that pranced playfully through his mind. 

Malcolm leaned back against the wall of the cargo bay and smiled as he pictured her enjoying her party. Her painted bowed mouth curved upwards in a delightful smile as crewman after crewman pulled her into their arms to dance with her. The music flowed around the dancers with power and energy. Hoshi's dark eyes sparkled with joy, her face flush from the welcome exertion of dancing. 

Then his smile fell. Suddenly, he realized that of all the men on board he was imagining dancing with Hoshi, he wasn't among them. With a heavy heart, Malcolm turned off the lights in the cargo bay, made sure the sign barring access was in place. 

----- 

Malcolm positioned himself just outside the door to the cargo bay. To anyone walking by it would look like he was tinkering with the security systems. It provided the perfect observation point. Throughout the afternoon he watched the food and drink being delivered to the cargo bay, and on schedule the impromptu jazz band, including the talented Trip Tucker, arrived for their practice before the festivities would begin. As the music wafted through the corridor, Malcolm used that moment to return to his cabin to change and to see that Hoshi Sato wouldn't be late for her own party. 

As soon as he got to his cabin, Malcolm removed his uniform top and slacks. Uncharacteristically, he tossed them into the corner rather than into the laundry chute. By his calculations, he had approximately thirty minutes to shower and dress before the party was to begin--and he still had to contact someone to get Hoshi to the party. 

Slipping into the shower, Malcolm washed his hair and his body, all the while trying to determine the best way to accomplish the goal of getting Hoshi to the birthday gala, not to mention reminding the rest of the crew of the event. 

Then a thought crossed his mind. Hoshi wouldn't be dressed for the party...well not properly, that is. She'd show up in nothing more than her uniform. 

Damn!! Damn it all to hell. A beautiful woman like Hoshi Sato couldn't show up to her own party without looking being dressed to the nines! Why hadn't he thought of that? 

"Hey, Malcolm!" a distinctive Southern voice called out. "You in here?" 

The Brit scrambled out of the shower stall, wrapped a towel around his middle and opened the bathroom door. 

"There you are!" Trip smiled broadly. 

"What the bloody hell are you doing here?" Malcolm asked. "How come you aren't practicing with the rest of the musicians?" 

"We did practice. In fact the boys are still jammin' in the cargo bay. I'm just taking five." 

"Five what?" Malcolm asked. 

"You know, 'taking five'. That's music talk for taking a break. You know those guys you found for the jazz band are really pretty good." Trip raised one hand and drew it through the air horizontally. "How does 'Trip Tucker and the Tripsters' sound? Kinda catchy, huh?" 

Malcolm gaped at him, his wet hair still dripping. 

Trip noticed the man's stunned expression. "Hey, it was just a thought. By the way, do you have any particular requests for tonight--well aside from the old classic 'Happy Birthday to You'?" 

"I'll have the musical selections to you and the 'boys.' If you don't mind, Trip, I do have some things to do before I even get to the party." 

"Sure there's nothing I can do to help?" 

"No..No...I...um..." Malcolm's lips curled up. "You know, there is something you could do. It would be a real help." 

"What is it?" 

"You're quite friendly with Liz Cutler, aren't you?" Malcolm asked. 

Trip blushed. "Well, it depends how you define friendly." 

"Friendly enough to ask her a favor, and friendly enough that she can keep her mouth shut?" 

Trip shrugged. "Sure, I guess." He didn't sound convincing. 

"Well three weeks ago I was making the rounds on the ship and I walked by her quarters, and if I'm not mistaken I heard what I believe is generally referred to as a Rebel Yell," Malcolm informed him, crossing his arms over his chest. 

Trip eyes flashed at the Brit. "Oh, ya heard that, huh? Practicing a little voyeurism, Malcolm?" 

Malcolm and Trip glared at each other. 

Then the doorbell rang. 

"Come in!" They both called out at the same time, never taking their eyes off the other. 

"Sorry to bother you, but..." Hoshi Sato stopped and took in the situation. Before her stood Trip Tucker and a half-naked Malcolm Reed! What had she walked into? Were they about to... "I-I just wanted to remind you about this week's target practice lesson, Lieutenant," she asked, stumbling over the words. 

Malcolm nodded. "Tomorrow at 2000 hours?" 

Hoshi returned the nod and, pivoting on her heel, left Malcolm's cabin. 

"What's wrong with her?" Trip asked. 

"Women! Who knows. Just when you think you've figured them out they change the rule book," Malcolm said with a snort.

"You said it!" 

"By the way, returning to my original question. Do you think you could ask Liz if she could find something nice for Hoshi to wear for the party tonight? I figure after the surprise is sprung on her, she might want to change into something other than her uniform." 

"Sure, shouldn't be a problem. Hoshi and Liz are about the same size. I'll talk to her after I leave here." 

"And there's one more thing. I need you to find a way to get Hoshi to the cargo bay." 

Trip mused on this request, bringing a finger up to stroke his chin and squeezing his eyes shut. "Shouldn't be a problem, Malcolm. I think I know just how to do that, without arousing suspicions." 

"Thanks, that's a big help. I just have to do a few things here and I'll see you down in the cargo bay," Malcolm said, slipping back into the bathroom to shave and change. 

It wasn't long before a fully dressed Malcolm, sporting a clean shave, emerged from the bathroom. Reaching under his bed, he pulled out a bag. He took the bag over to his desk and removed a sheet of silvery paper that had once been used to protect the finish on a torpedo warhead, which would now serve as wrapping. Withdrawing the puzzle box from the bag, he placed it in the middle of the wrapping paper.

The box still looked as interesting and unique as when he had first spotted it on the planet. He slid his fingers over the dark and light grains of the wood and marveled once again at the complexity of the construction. Working the secret mechanism as the shopkeeper had demonstrated, Malcolm soon revealed the box's interior compartment. 

He was about to close it and wrap it up when he paused. Originally, he had planned to leave the cavity of the box empty, knowing Hoshi would have something she could put inside, but all of a sudden he changed his mind. He did have something he could place within the box's interior that would not only fit, but would make the box even more special, providing Hoshi liked it. 

Opening the left lower drawer of his desk, he brought out a metal box. He raised the top lid and set it aside, taking out an envelope. He blew the envelope open and dumped the contents into his upturned palm. It was beautiful, as beautiful as when his grandmother had given it to him just before she passed away. Madeline had received all the other jewelry their grandmother had owned, but he had been given 'The Locket.' 

He still recalled her words to him when she dropped the necklace into his hand and, using her own frail hand, closed his fingers around his gift: 

_~'This is for you, my dear.' she had said. 'I have given Madeline all my other treasures, for I know she'll adore them and value them as I have over the years. But I give this one piece, my favorite piece, to you, Malcolm.' _

_~He remembered looking up at this woman, mother of his father. He recalled her wrinkles, which marked her laughter over the years and her watery crystal blue eyes. She'd always understood him, when no one else had seemed to. _

_~'I'm giving you my heart locket, Malcolm. It's the locket your grandfather gave to me.' _

_~It was only then that he realized he hadn't seen it around her neck. She always wore it, never took it off. She must have noticed his distress, and lovingly patted his hand. _

_~'It's all right, Malcolm. I'm ready to give it to you, and I wanted to do it before I went to join your grandfather. But I want you to promise me this. I want you to give this locket away, it's not for you to keep.' _

_~Malcolm looked up at her, puzzled. _

_~'I want you to give this to someone you care for. You'll know when the time is right, my dear.' _

_~He remembered protesting. At the time he'd been in his early twenties, and had already had many disastrous romances. He'd resigned himself to always being alone. _

_~She'd hushed him, and with her shaking fingers, lovingly brushed back the hair from his forehead. "You will find someone, Malcolm. I promise you this. When you do, give her this locket--your heart. If she asks you for your picture to place within it, you'll know.' _

_~'Know what, Grandmother?' he had asked. _

_~'You'll know,' was all she said._

Malcolm remembered trying to understand the cryptic answer, he remembered kissing her goodbye, and finally thanking her for the gift. It was the last time he saw the old woman, but he would never forget her or what she had said to him. 

It felt right, as she had promised. He picked up the locket, dropped it into the puzzle box, closed the box, and wrapped it up in the silvery paper. 

*****


	10. Bittersweet Success

~Stexgirl2000~ 

Trip made his way through the Enterprise's corridors, trying to stroll casually and look relaxed. Making sure that no one was behind him, he entered the code to Liz Cutler's door and slipped inside, closing the door with practiced ease. 

On her bed, Liz lounged in a deep cut blue silk dress that left little to the imagination. Trip swallowed hard, beating back the urge to figure out interesting ways to get Liz out of her dress. He promised Malcolm he'd help him get Hoshi to the party. 

"Hey, Trip. I thought we were going to meet at the party. What's going on?" Liz got up and smiled at Trip, kissing him lightly. 

Trip swallowed hard once more. Her perfume made his head swim. Taking a deep breath, he forced himself not to look down. "Liz, darlin', I need your help with something. But I have to swear you to secrecy--" 

Liz kissed him, cutting off both his words and train of thought. "Trip, we're already being very secretive. I haven't even told Hoshi about us." 

Trip took Liz's hands in his. "Darlin', I'm not talkin' about us. Baby, please hold off on kissing me until I'm done, okay? I can't think when you're kissing me." 

Liz laughed and took a small step backwards. "Well, what's going on?" 

"It's about Hoshi's birthday party. The person who's putting it together asked me to help out. Specifically, to make sure she's dressed appropriately and that she gets to the party in a way that doesn't make her suspicious. Now the second part, I can do, but I'm gonna need your help with the first part."

Crossing her arms, Liz smiled devilishly. "I'll help, but on one condition: You tell me who masterminded the party." 

Trip shook his head. "Liz, I don't believe you! Hoshi is your best friend! Isn't that enough of a reason to help?'' 

Liz stepped closer to Trip and kissed him slowly. Breathing into his ear, she purred, "If you want to figure out interesting ways of getting this dress off me later on tonight, you better spill your guts, Commander Tucker." 

Trip sighed and closed his eyes. Damn, the woman knew right where to hurt him. "Okay, okay, but you have to swear, and I mean SWEAR, not to tell anyone." 

Smiling sweetly, Liz kissed Trip again. "I swear. So who put together the party?" 

Trip grinned. "None other than Lieutenant Malcolm Reed," he drawled. 

Liz stepped back in shock. "No. No way. Lieutenant Reed? Wow." 

"Not only that, he's got it bad for her too. Real bad," said Trip. 

Liz smiled slowly. "It's so very sweet, so very romantic; he puts together a surprise birthday party for her and no one knows but the two of us. You found out by accident, didn't you?" 

Trip glanced at his watch. "Look, Liz darlin', I'll tell you all about it later tonight. What you've got to do is make sure Hoshi's dressed in some party clothes, 'kay? I gotta go and finish helping to arrange the excuse to get her to the cargo bay." Trip gave Liz a quick, passionate kiss. "Love you, and I'll see you later. Bye." 

Liz stood stock still in shock as Trip left her quarters. "He loves me? Loves me?" 

Shaking her head, Liz pushed her confusion aside. Going to her computer, Liz called Hoshi's room. "Cutler to Sato." 

"Sato here. Hi, Liz, what's up?" 

"Hoshi, my date got canceled, so can I come over and see that dress you got the other day down on Ryo? And I need some ideas as to how to make my date suffer for ditching me." Liz smiled to herself. 

"Ummm, Liz, I don't feel up to it," responded Hoshi glumly. 

"Hoshi, look, I'm down too. I've been stood up! You should see how I'm dressed! Please? Come on, playing dress up will be fun and get us out of our bad moods." Liz counted silently to five as she waited for Hoshi to respond. 

"Come on over, Liz. And bring chocolate," grumbled Hoshi. 

"I'll be there in a jiffy," said Liz. Turning off the comm, Liz was out the door in a flash. 

-----

Trip entered the bridge, where T'Pol, Ensign Castillo, Crewman Xao, and Crewman Eades were on duty. "I see you're holdin' down the fort tonight, Sub-commander." 

T'Pol gave Trip what he'd come to label as her wry look, a small quirk to the side of her mouth and a half-raised eyebrow. "Commander Tucker. Tell me, what do you know about this message?" She gestured at her station and Trip went over to look at her computer screen. 

Bending over, Trip quietly read the message aloud. "Memo to Sub-commander T'Pol. Sub-commander, your assistance is required to ensure the success of Hoshi Sato's surprise birthday party. At precisely 1915, please inform Ensign Sato that her presence is required in cargo bay one to do an emergency translation of a container for Doctor Phlox. This will ensure that Ensign Sato will not miss her party. Thank you for your cooperation." 

Trip grinned as he straightened up. "Well, I didn't send it, if that's what you're wondering. What are you gonna do? Are you gonna help out?" 

T'Pol clasped her hands behind her back. "I do not see the logic in asking me to help perpetuate a falsehood." 

Trip crossed his arms and frowned at T'Pol. "It ain't a lie, it's a surprise. Surprise parties are a way of lettin' people know that they're important to their friends and family. It shows them the lengths that their friends will go to make a birthday or anniversary special for them. If you help our mystery person pull off the party, you'll be helpin' to show Hoshi how valuable she is to her friends." 

There was utter silence on the bridge as T'Pol considered Trip's words. Glancing out of the corner of his eye, Trip could see that Castillo was holding his breath, while the other two were pressing their lips together anxiously. Looking back at T'Pol, Trip almost sagged in relief as she gave a small affirmative nod of her head. 

"Since you have explained this particular human behavior to my satisfaction, I will comply with this anonymous request. I will make the call in ten minutes. Now, Commander, was there anything you needed? You are not on duty at this time and your presence is not required on the bridge." T'Pol raised an eyebrow at him and Trip decided to give her some of the truth. 

"Well, Sub-commander, let's just say that I got a message that I was needed on the bridge. I think I've done my part for the evenin'. I gotta get down to the cargo bay. 'Night, T'Pol. 'Night y'all." 

Trip stepped into the lift, he received a chorus of "Good night, Commander," from the humans and a non-committal, "Commander" from T'Pol. As the doors closed, Trip allowed himself a smile. Now all he had to do was somehow get Malcolm to 'fess up to Hoshi about arranging the party. 

----- 

In his quarters, Malcolm looked at his reflection anxiously. He was dressed in his black pants and a deep cobalt blue shirt. He almost put on his black turtleneck, but decided that it was too somber for a surprise party. 

Rubbing his hands on his thighs, Malcolm wondered if he shouldn't just go in his uniform. No, he chided himself, this is a party. Being in uniform would make him stick out like a sore thumb. Tonight was HER night, and nothing would ruin it for her. 

At least he hoped nothing would ruin it for her. Looking out at the stars, Malcolm gave a glare to the universe, daring it to screw up his plans for Hoshi. 

The universe, wisely, decided not to take him up on his dare. 

Going over to the plainly wrapped puzzle box, Malcolm checked his wrapping one last time. His sister would be proud of him, not one seam out of place and not a hint of tape. 

A moment of panic raced through him. What if Hoshi hated surprise parties? What if T'Pol didn't get his anonymously sent message? What if Trip messed up making sure that T'Pol would follow through and call Hoshi at the right time? The man was not Mr. Subtle. What if Liz couldn't get Hoshi into her new dress? 

Oh God, it could all be an utter disaster. 

Taking a deep breath, Malcolm looked at himself in the mirror once more. "Malcolm Reed, you are one of the best tacticians to come out of Starfleet. You've planned attacks and counter-attacks more complicated than a simple surprise party. You can think on your feet and stave off any complications to the plan. Hoshi's party will be a rousing success." 

He stared at himself, not quite sure he believed his own pep talk. 

"Right. Get out of here Reed. You've a party to attend." 

Picking up his present, Malcolm left for cargo bay one. 

-----

Dressed in her favorite sweats with her hair loose, Hoshi sat on her bed feeling positively depressed. Eating one of her carefully hoarded, never-to-be-parted-with Scharffenberger chocolate bars, she railed against the utter unfairness of it all. Malcolm Reed and Trip Tucker, lovers. 

Glancing at the picture of Malcolm she'd gotten from Liz, Hoshi felt worse. She'd given up all her other chocolate for a picture that now mocked the hopes she'd once nurtured. 

Malcolm and Trip. Lovers. 

Great. Just peachy. Damn, damn, damn! 

From there, Hoshi started mentally cursing in fifteen different languages, starting with Japanese and ending in Klingon. With each curse, she took a bite from her chocolate bar. 

The universe, she decided as she started finishing off the last of the bar, must be laughing its ass off at her. Why was it that the most handsome, attractive men always turned out to be gay? Why couldn't she have been attracted to Travis, or Jon Archer? Why the hell did she have to be attracted to Malcolm, a man who was now forever out of her reach? It just wasn't fair. 

And being able to talk to him about men was not going to make up for the unfairness of it all. 

Hoshi looked at the now empty wrapper in her hands and sighed. Throwing it away, she made a mental count--five bars were now left. Perhaps tonight was as good as any to polish off the rest. 

Her door buzzed and listlessly she called out, "Come in, it's open." 

Liz came bustling in and Hoshi blinked in surprise at her friend's dress. "You got stood up wearing that?" 

"Well, he called me back and we're going to get together later. But I have to wait and I still want to see that dress you got. So, put it on! Let me see!" Liz smiled as she sat down at Hoshi's desk. 

Hoshi rolled her eyes. "Liz, I don't want to dress up. I'm not in the mood. This was a bad idea. Go find your mystery man and hang out with him. I just want to sit here and mope." 

Liz got up and stood over Hoshi, hands on her hips. "Nope! Not a chance! Sorry! Get your ass off of that bed and show me your dress! Look, if nothing else, we'll go for a walk later and show off our slinky little numbers to some of the other women. We can all bitch and moan about how blind the men are on this ship." 

"Or how most of them are gay," Hoshi murmured as Liz went over to her closet. 

"What was that?" Liz turned back and gave Hoshi a puzzled look. 

"Er...nothing." 

"Hoshi Sato, get up off your ass, now! C'mon!" 

Hoshi looked at Liz crossly. "You're not going to stop nagging me until I show you the dress, aren't you?" 

Liz gave her a wicked smile. "Yep, you got it. Now get dressed!" 

"Okay, okay. Remind me, why did I become friends with you?" groused Hoshi as she got up and pulled a slender garment bag from her closet. 

"Because I'm fun, I'm smart, and I know all of the good gossip on the ship. I have an even better gossip grapevine than Travis," replied Liz cheerfully. 

Hoshi stripped out of her sweats and threw them on the bed. Standing in her blues, she began to unzip the garment bag, while Liz went over to the dresser and opened it. Fishing around in the drawer, she pulled out a red silk bra and matching panties. "Hoshi," said Liz, "you can't show off a new dress wearing your blues, for crying out loud. Go put these on and then get into the dress." 

Hoshi turned and looked at Liz in disbelief. "Liz! I'm not going out on a date later, you are. I don't want to change my underwear." 

Liz thrust the lingerie at Hoshi. "Put them on and just humor me, okay? Look, no one feels pretty in a new dress with granny underwear on or regulation blues. So trust me and go put these on." 

Hoshi crossed her arms defiantly. "Liz..." she began, but her friend cut her off. 

"I've got on my black silk body corset on under this dress. Trust me, it makes all the difference in the world. Now go!" Liz shooed Hoshi into the bathroom. 

Despite her foul mood, Hoshi began to laugh. Deciding that it was easier to comply than argue with Liz, Hoshi quickly shed her blues and put on the red silk set. Coming out, she saw that Liz had finished unzipping the bag and pulled out the dress. "Wow, Hoshi, it's beautiful," said Liz. 

"Yes it is," said Hoshi quietly. Taking it off the hanger, she slipped it on. 

Liz gave a long whistle. "Jesus, Hoshi, jaws will drop all over this ship once people see you in this! It's perfect on you. Put on some shoes and take a look at yourself." 

Hoshi pulled out her red heels and put them on. They matched the dress perfectly. Going over to the mirror that was on the bathroom door, Hoshi looked at her reflection. 

The woman staring back at her was one she hadn't seen in a long, long time. Beautiful Hoshi. Desirable Hoshi. Sexy Hoshi. 

No, she amended, drop-dead sexy, hot, gorgeous Hoshi. 

She smiled. It was good to see herself that way. 

The dress' soft material was a deep red. It clung to her body's curves snugly, but with enough flow to move with her gracefully. The deep v-neck accentuated her cleavage and the cut of the skirt showed off her legs. It was a dress to dance in and to flirt in. 

Damn, she looked good. 

Liz smiled smugly. "I told you that the right undergarments made all the difference. You wouldn't be smiling at yourself if all you had under that was your blues." 

Hoshi laughed. "Liz, you are incorrigible." 

Before Liz could reply, the comm buzzed. "T'Pol to Sato." 

Frowning, Hoshi went over to comm. "Sato here. Yes, Sub-commander?" 

"Ensign Sato, you are needed immediately in cargo bay one. There is an emergency translation needed for a box intended for Doctor Phlox." 

Hoshi threw a slightly panicked glance at Liz. "Now? All right, I'll be there in a few minutes, I need to change..." 

T'Pol's voice cut her off. "It does not matter what you are wearing, Ensign Sato, you are needed there immediately. Proceed to cargo bay one at once. T'Pol out." 

Hoshi sighed in frustration. "Damn it, I can't go like this!" 

Liz laughed and shook her head. "Yes you can. Look, I'll go with you. That way we'll both be overdressed. Come on, let's go." Liz opened the door and started dragging Hoshi along. 

-----

Outside cargo bay one, Malcolm looked down the corridor once more. Still no sign of Hoshi. It was now 1920 and he wondered if T'Pol had actually made the call. Damn it, he should have gone on the bridge himself and not sent Trip. Bloody hell! 

Bugger, bugger, bugger! What else could go wrong? Everyone inside was probably drinking themselves silly while they waited. Oh yes, by the time Hoshi showed up, everyone would be roaring drunk--throwing up on their shoes or groping each other. Damn him for going to Phlox for enough alcohol to floor a herd of elephants! 

He was such a bloody stupid git, an idiotic twit, and sodding wanker! 

Trip popped his head outside the door. "Malcolm, get your sorry ass inside. She'll be here any minute!" 

Malcolm turned to glare at Trip. Before he could snap at his friend, Trip pointed inside. "That's an order, Lieutenant Reed." 

Malcolm gave Trip a look that would have fried him alive. "Oh, sod off and blow it out your arse, Commander Tucker..." he muttered as he went inside. 

Trip grinned. Oh yeah, Malcolm had it bad. Jeez, the man was a wreck with anticipation. 

-----

"Liz! Liz! Slow down!" yelled Hoshi. Liz held her by the wrist as she set a fast pace. 

"Look, Hoshi, the sooner you get this done, the quicker you can go back to your quarters. At least this way you won't have T'Pol breathing down your neck because you didn't get there ASAP. She can't get after you because you're dressed up," said Liz adamantly. 

"Fine, fine. Just slow down Liz!" Hoshi breathed a sigh of relief as Liz finally let go of her and slowed down. 

Getting into the lift, Hoshi leaned against the wall and crossed her arms. "Well, if nothing else, this will be my excitement for the night--roaming the corridors in my new dress. Oh, that and translating medical supplies in high heels. Whoopee!" Hoshi's voice dripped with sarcasm and Liz bit back her laughter. 

The doors opened and Liz led the way to the cargo bay. Hoshi followed, her arms still crossed. "What, no comment from you?" she asked Liz crossly. "Aren't you going to tell me that I'm overreacting? Or something like that?" 

Liz shook her head as she stopped in front of the cargo bay door. "Nope. Here we are. After you, please." She made a sweeping gesture at the door and Hoshi glared at her. 

"Fine. But damn it, at least T'Pol could have let me change..." Hoshi opened the door to the dark cargo bay.

*****

~Stexgirl2000~ 

From the side of the cargo bay, Malcolm held his breath as the door opened. Surrounded by the light from the corridor, Hoshi was a vision of beauty that stunned him. Deep in the back of his mind, a quiet part of him whispered, "Hoshi Sato, I love you. Happy Birthday." 

-----

As Hoshi stepped into the room, turning to where the light sensor was, the lights came up and sixty or so people, led by Jon Archer, Trip Tucker, and Travis Mayweather, yelled, "SURPRISE! HAPPY BIRTHDAY, HOSHI!" 

Hoshi stood in shock, hands on her face. Liz came in and gave Hoshi a little hug as everyone began to sing "Happy Birthday" along with a band in the back of the bay. 

-----

Malcolm watched in relief as happy surprise wreathed Hoshi's face. She was absolutely gorgeous in her red dress. As he sang along with the rest of the crowd of crewmembers, Malcolm began to feel his worries begin to slip away. 

Looking at her as she hugged Liz, he thought wishfully, She might think of me as a sleazy, gay alcoholic weapons jock who can't take care of a dumb animal, but it was worth it. She's surprised and she's happy. Perhaps she'll even be inclined to forget all of the events of the past few days. Maybe, if the universe is kind, I might even have the honor of a dance. 

-----

As everyone sang, Hoshi struggled not to cry. This was the most wonderful thing anyone had ever done for her. Looking at the crowd before her, Hoshi knew that before the night was over, she was going to find out who had gone to so much effort just for her. 

Going from friend to friend, Hoshi kissed and hugged them joyfully. As she moved away from hugging Travis, Hoshi looked up and saw Malcolm quietly standing to the side of the cargo bay doors. Her heart caught in her throat. He looked so handsome in his blue shirt and black pants. If only he... 

No, she thought firmly, I'm not going there. Nothing is going to spoil this night for me. There's no way I'm going to dwell on Malcolm and what wasn't meant to be. Whoever went through so much trouble to throw me this party deserves my full attention to the party and nothing else. 

With a happy smile fixed on her face, Hoshi turned away from Malcolm and began to make her way through the crowd of well-wishers. 

Malcolm watched as Hoshi made her way through the crowd of well-wishers, talking and laughing with ease. Catching her eye, Malcolm started over toward her, but Hoshi winced and abruptly turned, walking away in the other direction. Fighting off despair, Malcolm decided to concentrate on the rest of the guests. Going around the cargo bay, he breathed a sigh of relief. So far, everything was going well. People were eating and drinking, talking in small groups. Now, he noted, Hoshi stood with Trip, Liz, Phlox and Travis, laughing happily. He was glad she was happy. 

After giving Hoshi a kiss on her cheek, Trip went over to the band. He and the other musicians started playing and people began to make their way to the modest dance floor. Malcolm watched wishfully as Jon Archer went over to Hoshi and led her to the dance floor. He suppressed a flash of jealousy as they moved smoothly together. Who would ever believe that Captain Archer could dance so well? 

As Archer spun Hoshi, Malcolm noted that she was a wonderful dancer. She moved with confidence and grace. Her smile lit up the room as Archer dipped her, then pulled her up for a spin once again. As he watched them dance, Malcolm managed to catch Hoshi's eye. He smiled at her and for a second it seemed to him that she would smile back, but she turned quickly away. 

Malcolm fought off a surge of dread. Oh god, she hated him, thought the worst of him. His attention snapped back to the dance floor as people started clapping. Hoshi laughed delightedly and gave Archer a soft kiss on his cheek as the song ended. Incredibly, Archer blushed and patted her hand. It took all of Malcolm's self-control to stay put and not go deck the captain. 

Another song started up and Malcolm watched as Travis danced with Hoshi, then Rostov, then Trip, and even Chef. Just as he would get up the courage to go over and ask her to dance, someone else would beat him to her. He felt like a fool. 

"I am trained in various forms of combat, a skilled tactician, and yet I can't get over to ask Hoshi Sato if she would care to dance with me. Bugger, bugger, bugger!" he muttered furiously. 

Liz Cutler walked over to him, a piece of birthday cake in her hands. "Lieutenant, you haven't had anything to eat. Here, have some cake. It's wonderful." 

Malcolm accepted the cake and took a small bite. "Thank you, it's very good." He blanched as Hoshi danced once more with Captain Archer, this time to a slower song. He held the fork tightly in his hand and didn't register that he was bending it backwards. 

Liz blinked for a moment, then gently took the cake plate and fork away from him. "Malcolm, go over and cut in," she said softly. "Go and tell her how..." 

Malcolm cut her off. "Don't go there, Liz. Please." 

They locked eyes for a moment. Shrugging, Liz handed him back the plate and half-bent fork. "Suit yourself. But I think you're making a mistake by being silent." Giving him a small pat on the shoulder, Liz walked away, going to talk to Phlox. 

With a sigh, Malcolm straightened the fork and resumed eating the slice of cake. As he did so, he walked around the cargo bay once more. Everything was going well. People were having a good time. Hoshi was having a good time. Looking over to where she was, he caught her gaze and smiled at her. Hoshi looked at him blankly for a moment, frowned, then turned away. 

"Bloody hell, she hates me," he whispered. Squaring his shoulders, Malcolm started for the cargo bay doors. Perhaps it was all for the best. He'd never had a long-term relationship and all the short term ones had ended badly. She was a special woman and he...he was a good officer. He now knew he could be good friend. Otherwise, when it came to women, he was doomed to be viewed as a sleazy creep, a loser in love reduced to one-night-stands. 

Malcolm watched as all around, people began to pop the crackers he'd made. He smiled as Hoshi laughed delightedly at hers, which he'd taken extra care to make. As it exploded and rained confetti, Hoshi began to oooh and ahhh at the contents of her special birthday cracker. From across the cargo bay, Trip surreptitiously gave him a thumbs-up. Malcolm ducked his head in appreciation; at least Trip knew how much effort he'd put into the party. 

With a sigh, Malcolm decided to go to the bridge and relieve his people a bit earlier than he'd planned. Someone else could have a good time and he wouldn't have to feel unwanted anymore. Stealthily, he made his way over to the small table holding all of Hoshi's birthday presents. With quiet precision, he slid his present for her onto the table. Looking carefully, Malcolm noted that no one saw what he'd done and he made his way to the cargo bay doors. Once there, he allowed himself one last, longing look at Hoshi, before slipping quietly out of the cargo bay. 

----- 

Liz Cutler watched sadly as Malcolm left the cargo bay. Damn it, what was with him? He was one of the bravest men she'd ever met and yet he couldn't tell Hoshi he loved her. She wanted to smack him upside the head. 

And what was up with Hoshi? For a woman who had given up all of her chocolate stash for his picture, she was giving Malcolm one hell of a cold shoulder. Was she nuts? 

Something wasn't right. Somewhere some wires got crossed, because in her heart of hearts, Liz knew that Malcolm and Hoshi would be good together. 

Well, if the universe wasn't going be helpful in getting them together, then it was up to her, Elizabeth Marie Cutler, to get them together. 

Now she just had to figure out how the hell she was going to pull it off. 

*****


	11. I Only Have Eyes For You

~ZernosParadox~

Malcolm walked to the bridge and nodded to Eades and Xao as they left their stations to join the party. The music was being piped throughout the ship so that the skeleton crew that was attending to operations could enjoy the festivities. Malcolm was feeling a mixture of bittersweet success and failure as he listened to the band. Hoshi was indeed having a good time on her birthday, but it was clear that he didn't have chance in hell with the woman. It was best that she never discover who was responsible. 

Now the bridge was occupied by only two people: Ensign Castillo and T'Pol. Malcolm assumed T'Pol had no interest in the birthday party, so he nodded to her and went to the tactical station to relieve Ensign Castillo. He saw the man tapping his foot to the rhythm of the music. 

"Why don't you go enjoy the party in real time, Ensign? I'll finish this watch," said Malcolm. 

"But, sir, you--" 

"That's an order, Ensign." 

"But, sir, you're not in uniform," insisted Castillo. He thought the lieutenant was finally going to unwind. His armory crew had noticed how distracted he had been during the past week, almost as if he was working on a secret mission. 

Malcolm raised his voice to address T'Pol, who was sitting in the Captain's chair. "Sub-commander, do you have any objections to my manning the tactical station in my current state of dress?" 

T'Pol looked at the lieutenant and quirked an eyebrow. "I will not make an issue of it, Lieutenant." 

She quickly turned her head in dismissal and heard the bridge door closing. She assumed the men had changed places. 

-----

Liz Cutler took two cups of punch and joined the group that congregated around the birthday presents. Handing a cup to Hoshi, she said, "Here, take a break and whet your whistle." 

Liz looked at the bandstand and caught the quick wink Trip threw her way as he introduced a solo. She leaned into Hoshi to say, "Trip is doing a great job with the music, isn't he?" 

"He did a great job putting the party together, too," said Hoshi with confidence. It had to be Trip. "You know, why are all the best guys gay? It's just not fair." 

Liz spewed the punch she was swallowing. "Gay? Our chief engineer? Hoshi, the last name is Tuck-her, not Tuck-him. Believe me, every cell in his body is geared for loving women." 

Before Liz could pursue the line of discussion further, Trip showed up to claim a dance with Liz. "You enjoying your shindig, Hoshi?" 

"Thanks for getting it together, Trip," said Hoshi. 

"Oh, I'm not the one responsible. I'm just helping with the music. Speaking of which, Ensign Cutler, may I have this dance?" 

Liz lost all thought of straightening Hoshi out about Malcolm. Surely it would wait until she had a dance with her engineer. 

Hoshi watched the couple move off and thought of how well they moved together. Poor Malcolm. He was trying to start a romance with a man who would reject him. Hoshi sighed as she considered the irony of sharing an unrequited love. The universe just wasn't fair! 

Actually, the universe was fair; it just got bored and needed to be entertained occasionally. The universe now roused itself to set things to order. All it needed was the right agent. Ah, yes, the dog! 

-----

T'Pol considered what she knew of human behavior and wondered about Malcolm's presence on the bridge. The music hummed in the background. "You left the gathering early." 

"I didn't feel like staying, Sub-commander." 

"Was something inadequate?" asked T'Pol. 

Malcolm clenched his jaw. Why was the Vulcan suddenly so talkative? 

"No, the decorations are bright, the band is talented and the cake is delicious. It's just like any good party you've ever been to." 

The next song began before T'Pol said, "I have never been to a birthday gathering for a human." 

Malcolm looked up for a moment. "Then why don't you go to see for yourself? Gather some empirical evidence." 

"It would be rude to merely watch the activities of others. I would be out of place," said T'Pol. 

"Every party has people who dance and people who just watch others having fun," said Malcolm, all too familiar with the watching part. "There's nothing wrong with that." 

"Parties are only for those invited, however," said T'Pol. 

Malcolm nodded his head, then looked up sharply. What the hell had he forgotten? He had sent a shipwide message about the party. Then he remembered a previous discussion between T'Pol and Captain Archer. For a Vulcan, a personal invitation was warranted before they felt welcome at an event. 

"Sub-commander, can you keep a secret?" 

"Of course, Lieutenant. I am Vulcan." 

"Then, as the host of the party, I would like to personally invite you to attend and see for yourself what a human birthday celebration is like," said Malcolm. 

"I must remain on the bridge," said T'Pol immediately. 

"We really only need one person up here, Sub-commander. And I want to apologize for not remembering to forward you a personal invitation. I was rather pre-occupied during the week." 

T'Pol seemed to consider his statement for a moment. "You are the host but you are not present?" 

"I just needed to see that things were going well, Sub-commander. Please go, if only for a little while. I would feel better if you did." 

T'Pol looked at the Englishman, and then bowed her head slightly. "If it will ease your guilt, then I will observe the party for a short time. I do not have a gift, however." 

"Sub-commander, your good wishes are all you really need to take with you," said Malcolm. 

After she left, Malcolm walked to the captain's chair and settled back into it as he looked at the wide expanse of space on the viewscreen. It did feel lonely at the top, he thought, just him and the universe. 

-----

Hoshi was almost finished opening her presents. Porthos was having fun tearing the wrappers into more confetti under the table. His little tail was wagging merrily as he was buried under a pile of wrapping. Finally there was just one left. The wrapper came off and Hoshi was left staring at a wooden box. 

"I guess you can always paint it," said Jon as he watched her inspecting it. 

"No, I think it's a puzzle box. I saw some like these on Ryo, but each one has a unique way to open it. There's something in there, too," said Hoshi as she shook it near her ear. 

"No name tag?" asked Jon. He heard Porthos barking sharply at something. "Porthos, settle down!" 

"No, I have no idea who it's from. I'll just have to work on it." 

Porthos kept growling and the universe began to smile. Come here, puppy. 

"I can't believe all the trouble you went through to set this up, Jon," said Hoshi quietly as she rubbed the finish on the wood. 

Jon leaned into her ear and said, "I'll tell you a secret. It wasn't me. I just got the note asking for permission to send the announcement to the crew." 

The captain did know the source of the encrypted message, although he wondered why Malcolm had left so early. He added, "Someone's really trying to impress you, Hoshi. Well, would you look at that? T'Pol just walked in!" 

At this point, Porthos dragged out a large piece of ribbon that had somehow gotten tangled around an object. He ran off making a clackity-clack noise heading straight for T'Pol's path. 

Hoshi and Jon saw the impending calamity and were able to react just in time. Jon nabbed the beagle while Hoshi grabbed the item caught on the ribbon. She saw it was a padd. 

"Porthos, good boy. Hello, T'Pol. I'm glad you finally made it to the party," said Jon with genuine enthusiasm. 

"Lieutenant Reed suggested I observe the festivities directly. He's attending to the bridge," said T'Pol. "I only plan to stay for a short time." 

"Then come try the cake. You can see the birthday presents on the table; they've all been unwrapped." 

"I did not bring anything to add to the gifts. Live long and prosper, Ensign Sato." T'Pol inclined her head slightly. 

"Thank you, your good wishes are all I need." Hoshi smiled at the couple and said, "The band is really good. Perhaps you'd like to dance?" 

"What an excellent suggestion, Hoshi. Come on, T'Pol, that's an order," said Jon as he put Porthos down and led a reluctant T'Pol to the dance floor. 

Porthos barked sharply at Hoshi, so she inspected the padd. It was issued to Malcolm. Of course it would be. The universe enjoyed mocking her, so why wouldn't it be Malcolm's? Porthos barked at her again, so she knelt down to pet the dog. "Good boy, Malcolm will be glad to get this back." 

Bark, bark! Porthos began to pull on the ribbon that was tangled around the padd again. 

"Okay, Porthos, how about we take a quick walk to the bridge to give this back to Malcolm?" 

The universe smiled as the woman exited with the dog.

-----

This was stupid. She really should be avoiding him, but Hoshi was beginning to regret not even returning Malcolm's smiles at the party. His heart was going to be broken when Trip rejected him and he would need someone to lean on. Above all, she needed to be there for him as a friend. She was fiddling with the padd, thinking that it had weapons schematics when she read the label for Operation Pineapple-Mission Logs. She flicked on an entry near the end: 

_[My current list indicates that all is on schedule: _

_1. Birthday cake: Faux target, white, large, pretty, tasty _

_2. Decorations: Confiscated fire hazard, garish but bright _

_3. Party favors: Minor explosives, sufficient number to arm all crew _

_4. Entertainment: Covert operatives with musical instruments, all of whom should know better than to ignore a summons _

_5. Birthday candles: Low temperature sensor testers, 26 _

_6. Refreshments: Medicinal brandy, 50 liters _

_7. Birthday present: Um, this line is empty!]_

Hoshi stopped in her tracks. It was a list for items in her birthday party. Malcolm? It was Malcolm who had gone to all the trouble? But, why? She went back through the notes: 

_[Fine. I admit it. I was a bit distracted as I was trying to help Hoshi retrieve her bunny slippers. I mean, only three veils left and she HAD to bend over! I'm only a man!] _

Wait. That did not sound like a man who was gay. Hoshi decided to select a passage at random: 

_[Not that I didn't derive a certain pleasure from having her body landing on top of me. And all the wriggling she did as she tried to squirm away from the DOG as he tried to ravish her bunny slippers had an interesting effect on me. _

_And if she hadn't screamed directly into my left ear, I never would have, er, grabbed at things. Nicely padded things. Silky, padded things.] _

The universe began to chuckle softly as Hoshi decided to review the Operation Pineapple Mission Logs from the beginning. Porthos wagged his tail in delight. 

-----

Malcolm felt at peace with the universe. He decided to simply accept the role he was expected to play: the loner who would always see to duty first. The universe required such people to run optimally and had obviously elected him to the post. 

The door to the bridge opened and Malcolm stood up from the captain's chair expecting to see T'Pol at the entrance. "Well, that didn't take long. Did you learn any--?" 

The words were out of his mouth before he turned his body. He was stopped abruptly when the most beautiful vision to step out of his dreams walked onto the bridge. The red dress, the red shoes, Hoshi! He didn't want to look at her, but couldn't tear his eyes away. Porthos was with her, but the beagle immediately lay on the floor and was perfectly still. 

"I think I found something that belongs to you, Malcolm," said Hoshi. 

Malcolm recognized his padd and realized the secret was out. He thought she was disappointed that he had engineered the party, so he remained quiet. 

Hoshi walked slowly to him, a bit alarmed that he was standing so still. Was he breathing? She put the two items she was carrying on the captain's chair and noticed that the next song was about to begin. She moved closely to him. 

"You know, the host of the party should at least have one dance with the guest of honor." Hoshi whispered in Malcolm's ear, putting her arms around his shoulders. 

_My love must be a kind of blind love I can't see anyone but you..._

Malcolm's arms moved around Hoshi's waist automatically. This was his standard dream, so he must have fallen asleep in the captain's chair, but the music continued. 

_Are the stars out tonight? I don't know if it's cloudy or bright. I only have eyes for you, dear..._

The backdrop of the viewscreen reflected the expanse of stars as the figure in red moved within the embrace of the man in the cobalt shirt. Soon, no space could be found between their bodies. 

_The moon may be high but I can't see a thing in the sky 'cause I only have eyes for you... _

Hoshi pressed her cheek against Malcolm's and felt his warm breath on her neck. His heart was beating rapidly although the song was in a deliciously slow pace. 

_I don't know if we're in a garden or on a crowded avenue..._

Malcolm closed his eyes and breathed in the light fragrance from her hair. Her body was so warm and she fit his arms so perfectly. 

_You are here, so am I. Maybe millions of people go by, but they all disappear from view, and I only have eyes for you..._

They opened their eyes hoping that this moment was not an illusion. Their lips seemed to meet of their own accord as the song ended. 

Porthos gave a sharp warning bark that made the two officers jump away from each other. Within seconds T'Pol entered the bridge. She merely quirked her eyebrow and said, "I did not realize the party had moved." 

Malcolm blushed and said, "We were merely observing an old Earth custom, Sub-commander." 

"I better go, Malcolm. Thank you for the dance," said Hoshi. She left the padd, but picked up the wooden box that was his gift to her. She whispered to Malcolm almost shyly before she left, "I have to get back to the party. Thank you for everything, Malcolm. I'm sorry I thought you were gay." 

*****


	12. Surprise Unveiled

~ZenosParadox~

Malcolm spent the rest of his time on the bridge in a state of agitation. She thought he was gay! Well, he knew she was thinking the wrong thing when they were shopping on Ryo, but surely she had noticed his response to her on the ride back? 

He oscillated between feeling relief that Hoshi was no longer confused about his sexual orientation to feeling disappointed that she hadn't noticed his attraction to her previously. Well, of course he had hidden it, but--he wanted to burst into her quarters and prove to her just how attractive he found women--herself in particular. 

When Malcolm got to his room he was still upset, but before he could change, his comm link beeped. 

"Reed here," said Malcolm tersely. All he needed was an emergency to get him in a fouler mood. The universe was obviously yanking his chain again. But he was wrong; the universe had decided to be benevolent. 

"Malcolm, I was hoping you could help me. I'm having trouble opening the puzzle box you gave me. I know it's late, but would you mind showing me how to open it?" 

"I'll be right there, Hoshi," said Malcolm. 

-----

Hoshi was making her final adjustments when she heard her door chime. She took a deep breath, straightened the robe one last time, and called out, "Come on in, Malcolm. I'm back here." 

Malcolm saw she was wearing a red bathrobe that barely came to her knees rather than the fuzzy pink one that complemented her bunny slippers. The agents of chaos were currently trapped under her desk facing away from her bunk. The white fluffy tails still seemed to taunt him, but he made up his mind to ignore the bunny slippers. The woman in red was much more provocative. 

"You needed help?" asked Malcolm, trying to keep his voice steady. He was thinking of the brief kiss they had shared on the bridge and was having trouble remembering why she had called him. 

"The puzzle box." 

"Ah, it's quite simple." Malcolm touched the mechanism and the heart-shaped locket was revealed. He held the box in his hands while Hoshi gently pulled out the locket. 

She blinked away the tears that suddenly appeared in her eyes as she registered its shape. The silver looked old, but beautiful. What had he given her? "It's beautiful, Malcolm. I know you didn't find this on Ryo, though." 

Malcolm set the box down and touched her hands as she held the locket. "It was my grandmother's. It even opens up. May I?" 

Hoshi turned and moved her hair out of the way so that he could clasp the locket around her. She welcomed the weight of the delicate chain around her and turned to face him. "It's so lovely, Malcolm. Are you sure you want to give it to me?" 

Malcolm was about to say it was nothing, but that would have been so wrong. It was something, something very important. "You're the only woman I want to see wearing it, Hoshi. I thought a lot about it before I gave it to you." 

He held his breath as he waited for her to say something. She fingered the locket and opened it to find it empty. Hoshi looked into Malcolm's eyes and said softly, "It's missing a picture of you, Malcolm. I'm afraid the latest one I have of you won't fit." 

Malcolm was puzzled, then noticed she glanced at her desk. There was a picture of him in his skivvies with a pin stuck right through his heart. He was so surprised he bent to inspect it. Yes, that was certainly him. All he could think of to say was, "Good aim." 

"I should apologize. It cost me my entire chocolate stash, but I have the only copy and the original." 

The blood was suddenly rushing away from his brain. Hoshi really wanted him? He turned to see her slipping off the red robe. 

"Did I ever explain to you the veils of Ryo? You see, seven veils indicate a woman is off limits. But three, three is a special number. It means the woman is available and very touchable." 

Malcolm reached out to outline the locket that was hanging between the cleft of her breasts. The one veil that covered them would be so easy to move out of the way. His fingers trailed over the fabric lightly as they followed the contours of the mounds and his fingers caressed the skin under the fabric. He saw a delicious shiver run through her body. "I see. But what happens if you lose that veil?" 

Malcolm gently slipped the material off the string, tugging at it slowly to watch as her torso was exposed. He leaned in to kiss Hoshi and was soon lost, trailing kisses along her throat and shoulders before dipping to her breasts. He barely registered her movements to unbutton his shirt. He groaned in pleasure as she nibbled along his jaw line and kissed his throat and collar bone while he caressed her breasts. He had never felt so sensitive under a woman's lips. 

Hoshi pulled away and turned her back to him so that he could release the string that had held the top veil. "If you lose the top veil you can still maintain some modesty by turning your back." 

Hoshi then used the opportunity to press against Malcolm and felt his response. His hands were cupping her breasts, then they swept over her midriff to arc down to her derriere. She felt the long strokes of his hands on her skin. She felt his kisses trailing down the midline of her back, each one sending her shuddering with anticipation. Then she felt him rubbing his cheek against the veil as his hands trailed up her legs. The fabric between them offered her a unique sensual pleasure. 

Hoshi began to feel the tug as the material was pulled away from the string. Soon the kisses were permeating her being. "Malcolm!" 

"What is it, love?" he asked as he teased her by blowing softly at the dimple of her back. She arched her back away from him, but his hands were now splayed across her waist. 

"You're overdressed," said Hoshi breathlessly. She turned to find him standing and shrugging out if his shirt. "More." 

The zipper went down at her hands and she slid her body against his as she moved the trousers down. She stopped for a moment to press her cheek against his arousal. Oh, Malcolm certainly wasn't gay! She smiled up at him and said, "That's better." 

"But you still have one more veil," said Malcolm as he lifted her to stand. He began a slow descent with his mouth down her body and Hoshi had to turn to lean against the desk as she began feeling weak. It took some time for the last veil to come off because of the various detours Malcolm insisted on making, but Hoshi could barely whimper a complaint. He didn't stop until he heard her moan of pleasure. 

As Malcolm pulled on the string around her hips, Hoshi ran her fingers through his hair and said, "Don't make we wait, Malcolm. I've wanted you so long." 

As he stood he shed his boxers then lifted Hoshi into his arms. They shared a kiss as he laid her on the bed. He looked at the locket that was gleaming between her breasts and touched it lightly. "Hoshi, this relationship may not be easy for us, but I love you too much to keep denying my feelings." 

"We can make it work, Malcolm. No one is going to take away the best birthday surprise I've ever had. I love you." 

They kissed each other deeply and as they joined, the universe sighed in contentment at another mission successfully accomplished. 

*****


End file.
